I ponder this, a lot. If all I will ever be to people is "mentally ill" or "a mental defective" (the official term still used in the United States Code, despite the fact it is extremely offensive on so many levels), is life worth it? Something from history may be analogous to the situation people with mental illness face. When I was a young adult, at college, the fight against Apartheid in South Africa was raging -- this was the mid 1980s. In South Africa at the time, your ability to better yourself, to move up in the society,was strictly based upon your race. If you were white, you had no limits. If you were of pure African blood, you were on the very bottom, your rights, your movements, your prospects were very limited. If you were of other races, mixed race, or other nationalities such as Indian or Pakistani, you were somewhere in the middle. So, is it like that for the mentally ill today? Are you, I, we, as people with mental illlness of whatever form, judged upon our talents, abilities, character, or merits. Or, are we judged strictly by means of a litmus test, just one of mental health status, rather than race as happened in South Africa under Apartheid? I need to know, because I don't mind fighting if it is a fair fight. But, if the deck is stacked against me so there is no way I can win, I might just quit playing, forever. Because that would be just too hard, and hurt too much.