Will this ever end?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anasgirlx, Oct 29, 2010.

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  1. anasgirlx

    anasgirlx Well-Known Member

    So, I just got out of the hospital and I'm already feeling suicidal again. :awww: Ugh i feel like this will never end. Like i will be stuck this way forever with no end to the hopelessness.
     
  2. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i feel the same way and have done for some time. but ive grown to acept the fact that IT IS A SICKNESS and that im better off in bed than dead. even if it takes years of small steps i will reach the point of where i was before. its just giving in and accepting it and not fighting it anymore. no more self destruction and give your mind and body the rest it desperately needs. i wish you the best of luck and health as the road ahead is a rocky one but it does have a pleasent ending of being back up fighting again.
     
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Anasgirl, Im not going to lie to you. It may feel so damn hard right now because of all the stress your under for a life that you cant reach but want so badly. Do you think its time to refigure what it is in life that you need and want. I guess what Im saying is it may not always be sunshine and rainbows, it may be hard work for you. You are still so young, and have so much more to see and do before you give up.

    What can YOU change in yourself for the better, not your surroundings or what your friends or family does, only you. Then you need to start making those changes, I know you mentioned before about having a hard time at home, then what if you work so hard to get your own place. Do you think the stress would be so much then?

    Think like this is all parts of your life, I know it may seem a little selfish at times, but you need to work on yourself before you can function outside for everyone else.

    The decision is to always feel this way or to make changes so its not always like this. I do wish you luck on your fight, and I hope you continue to come on here and let us know how your doing.
     
  4. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Mental illness is a long road, it's often 2 steps forward 1 back or worse, keep in mind that you are progressing, I read that you've just had your most helpful stay in hospital. Don't lose sight of the fact that you're still here, and that you feel comfortable on a public forum talking about it. You are doing a lot of great great things!

    Keep it up - you will get there.
     
  5. anasgirlx

    anasgirlx Well-Known Member

    You guys give great advice but its so hard to follow it. I feel llike nothing Im doing is helping and that ill never get better. I'll end up committing suicide sooner or later anyway.
     
  6. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Thats the disease brainwashing you, fight those thoughts, when they come on say why not, why cant I be happy, dont I deserve to be happy after all I been through.

    So why not spend the days trying to make yourself happy then. What do you have to lose?
     
  7. anasgirlx

    anasgirlx Well-Known Member

    My identity. The depression is a part of me and as much as I want to lose it, I'll be nothing when its gone.
     
  8. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Darling I know it's beyond hard. That is what depression does - it takes away all motivation and reasoning. Do all you feel able to do to fight it. I gather that you have been getting help at hospital, keep that up - you have done BRILLIANTLY to be able to do that and get that level of support.

    You can do it - one tiny step at a time, if you work hard at it as much as you can trust me in a few months you will be amazed how much circumstances change.
     
  9. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    NO you shall be something different and something BETTER!

    The experience will be your identity - not the disease itself.
     
  10. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I agree with Limbo,

    How do you know what your life is going to be like unless you fight. You may look back and be mad at yourself for taking so long in trying it.

    You see this world around you, its all yours, you can do and be anything you like, its all up to you.
     
  11. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    ...a virtually axiomatic statement that one...i feared the same, losing one's long befriended lonliness means you gain something real and close..cannot lose anything what we never had.. the temple of your mind, when depressed doesnt offer solace, but recluse...it allays the 'illness' , doesnt inspect and give you a positive feedback.. :hug:, i hope you feel better.
     
  12. anasgirlx

    anasgirlx Well-Known Member

    I'm going to kill myslef sooner or later, why not now?
     
  13. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Because you're on the road to recovery - you're getting help from the hospital and other sources, you are doing such a lot to help yourself.

    Be proud of that.

    There will be dark days - it took me about three and a half years to be able to say I'm fully out of the suicidal woods - and I sometimes still have down days. It's a slow process, but the rewards of life throughout it, are so wonderful I can't fully express in words.
     
  14. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Yep, took me years to actually know that I will never kill myself, doesnt mean I dont think it, just know that it will never happen.
     
  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with the others.. It's a long road to feeling better.. Tell your doctor that your meds aren't helping.. It took four years for me to find the right combination of meds.. I still have my down times but coming here and getting support helps..You just need to keep pushing your way thru the bad times.. Therapy helps alot also.. I was in it for five years until I couldn't afford it anymore..Today I have some problems that haven't gone away but I am working on them using the skills I learned in therapy..I wish you luck!!
     
  16. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Welcome back to the forums Ashley!:stars:

    I wish you were feeling better though.

    What kinds of treatment have you tried?

    Do you feel like you've always been depressed and suicidal?
     
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