5 days til christmas and i still feel nothing. a numb feeling burned deep in my soul. often i still harm trying so hard to hide who i am from everyone but ive been cracking. its getting harder and harder to ignore and say everythings ok. i have changed dramatically since i have been here. im supposed to see my so called 'best friend' who ditched me and hasnt come back since last december for a quick hug before driving away again. im not sure i even want to see her, cuz i kno she will leave again and it will hurt more than ever. i kno she will see the difference in me and i dont have an answer anymore as to why everything hurts like hell the way it does. just thinking about it brings tears.