Will Today Be the Day?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by emotional_girl, Jun 7, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    Every morning I wake up wondering, "Will today be the day that I finally get up the courage to end my life?"
    My suicidal feelings are so strong that from time to time I will think, "Wow, I'm still alive! How is it that I'm still alive? But how long will I still be alive? Will I get so depressed and so desperate that I won't be here tomorrow?"
  2. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    Just try to make it through one day at a time and take whatever steps you can to remedy and cope with the depression.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I agree ^^ take each and every day as it comes, remember the saying, ''today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday'' and today isn't so bad. :)
    Hang in there sweetie x
  4. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    Yeah, sometimes I think about the fact that all I can do is just take it one day at a time. Somehow, I've gotten through this far, day by day. I've been dealing with suicidal feelings on and off since I was in the 8th grade. I've been dealing with this current bout for 2 years though and I don't see an end in sight. It seems like the older I get the more serious my problems seem. I should be living a happy, carefree life now. My son is grown so I'm not having to deal with the day to day pressures of raising a child, I'm not working so I don't have to deal with the day to day pressures of working a job, and I'm married to my true love. But there are still issues there that stress me out.
    Also, I think maybe it's because of my age...I feel like I'm getting closer to the end anyway...sometimes I feel like I'm just hanging around waiting to die. I realize that 41 is a long way from the age that most people die. Even if I die at the age my mother did, I'll still have 20 years left, and everybody says she died young. But, I don't know...I just keep having this feeling that I'm just hanging around waiting to die now.
    Sometimes, I think about the blessings I've had in my life that I wouldn't have had if I had killed myself any of the times I've had suicidal feelings before and wonder what blessings I'll have in the future if I just keep hanging on. I think the main thing I'm looking forward to now is my son getting married and giving me grandchildren. He's engaged to be married but they've already put the wedding off twice for different reasons. Now the best I can get out of them is "hopefully sometime this fall." I'm really looking forward to grandchildren and that's one of the things that's keeping me here. I want to get to know my grandchildren.

    In Memorey of You: That is a beautiful saying and it's so true. I'll try to always keep that in mind. Thank you so much.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.