i'm ready. nothing matters anymore. i honestly dont care about anything now. i'm not sad or depressed. just tired and apathetic. i hacked all my hair off today. it looks terrible. i dont care. i took some time off of work to try to relax. try to get centered. try to clear my head. i dont want to go back to work. i dont want to do anything. i'm just so tired of it all. i just want to end it peacefully. quietly. painlessly. but i dont know how. i could shoot myself. but its messy. painful. and potentially could leave me alive and deeply fucked up. my attempt at pills and alchohol ended with me passed out in a pool of my own vomit and a raging headache when i came to. so im aprehensive of trying that again. no where pheasable to hang myself. asphyxiation is slow and traumatic. i dont know what to do. i cant shake off the feeling, the longing for death. the feeling that i dont belong here. that my existance was a mistake. i know this isnt the kind of place where people will tell me a quiet painless method, tho i am sure some of you know. so i am not fool enough to ask for one. i just dont know what to do anymore. and im lost.