willing but unable

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by abyss, Jan 28, 2008.

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  1. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    i'm ready. nothing matters anymore. i honestly dont care about anything now. i'm not sad or depressed. just tired and apathetic. i hacked all my hair off today. it looks terrible. i dont care. i took some time off of work to try to relax. try to get centered. try to clear my head. i dont want to go back to work. i dont want to do anything. i'm just so tired of it all. i just want to end it peacefully. quietly. painlessly. but i dont know how. i could shoot myself. but its messy. painful. and potentially could leave me alive and deeply fucked up. my attempt at pills and alchohol ended with me passed out in a pool of my own vomit and a raging headache when i came to. so im aprehensive of trying that again. no where pheasable to hang myself. asphyxiation is slow and traumatic. i dont know what to do. i cant shake off the feeling, the longing for death. the feeling that i dont belong here. that my existance was a mistake. i know this isnt the kind of place where people will tell me a quiet painless method, tho i am sure some of you know. so i am not fool enough to ask for one. i just dont know what to do anymore. and im lost.
  2. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Hi, just wanted to give you a big hug.

    I know how you feel.

    There is no easy painless untraumatic way to end your own life without causing severe distress to either yourself or other people.

    The best thing is to focus your efforts more into how to live rather than how to die.

    Try to hold on, hold onto some hope for a better future, that you can get through this, keep taking little steps forward to improve things, you can find a way out of the situation other than with death.

    Take care

  3. kitai16

    kitai16 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you feel this way. I hope things get better for you...

    I wish I knew of a quiet and painless method.

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hope you overcome those feelings :hug:
  6. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    i really dont mean to be rude, but as i read through the posts on this forum i keep seeing the same thing over and over. real people with real pain looking for something, anything, to grab hold of, that perverbial life preserver that will make everything okay. i know that no one can really fix the problems of another. and its foolish to expect it. but over and over i see the same generic cookie-cutter well wishes, the same empty words of understanding and sympathy. does that really help anyone? does anyone actually try to learn who the person behind the pain is? reach them on a real level, see who they are and find the nitch in their thickly plated armor? we are all here looking for a chance at hope, and who better to understand our pain in a world of people who cannot possibly understand what it is to be in our shoes, then people who are already in them. yet we find the same here as we do elsewhere... "it'll get better", "hold on", "focus on living"..... if that stuff worked i wouldnt have had to pay for a shrink (who incidentally gave the same string of lame advice). it all seems to strengthen the feeling that im sure many of us have of isolation. no one understands, no one cares, no one can help. i'm not saying i have the answers or i am any better at reaching out to others in need. many days i'm far too lost in my own downward spiral, but it just seems that in a place like this people in need should be able to find something better, something more genuine the the paint-by-numbers "stop kill-urself-acide" diatribe. i dont know what i'm looking for...but i know that isnt it.
  7. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Those are the things that keep my alive, the things I tell myself. Life is a bit about positive mental attitude, i.e you can make improve things yourself by being optimistic, or you can let the pessimism take over and we know where that can lead.

    When I said I know how you're feeling, I meant like wanting to escape the despair & torment, I don't know who you are or the details of your emotions.
    Sorry I don't have all the answers, I hope you find what you're looking for.

    I will always have to live with the depression I feel and the suicidal tendencies I have, I just have to try to survive as best I can and hope I make it. I only really have two choices, to continue to live or to escape this life and I'm gonna run with the first option as long as it remains feasible to me. I am looking for the solution as well.

    Best wishes
  8. Daze&Confused

    Daze&Confused Antiquitie's Friend

    We're not mental health professionals, just people trying to find our way.
    There are no sentences that can magically remove your pain. Life is sometimes very hard, it's up to you to find a way to deal with it.
    Sometimes all we can do is share our experiences, and our techniques or lack of them,in coping.
    This place isn't a solution to your problems, it's just one of many tools.
    Hope you find a way to cope.
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