wilting flowers

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sorry if i end up rambling on i'm not the greatest at writing about my self. so uh i'm 19. most people i've met seen to think i'm a good person, i always listen to others, i never complain about anything, i help them if they need it, and i almost always have a smile on my face. despite all this i've been in so much pain for most of my life and it only gets worse each day. i came to this forum because well, i'm not to sure really. most of my life i've spent dealing with my depression alone and i do me most of my life: 4th grade onward was pretty tough for me, but i learned early on that that just biting your tongue and wearing a smile is enough to fool others. so maybe for once i'd be nice to just talk and be me. i won't lie i have had some suicidal thoughts in the past, and some more recent, but i'm trying my best to get through each day; well i'm trying anyways some days are harder than others but i'm sure i can make it through them. i've been thinking about writing the "My Story" thing, but so far writing all this personal stuff makes me feel weird. not bad; i don't think so anyways just weird, maybe better. i can fake emotions pretty well but i haven't had that many positive experiences in my life, hell i'be barely even lived my own life, most of what i've done hasn't even been for me. maybe i'm here on these forums because it's something that i chose for myself, something i know i need, pfft or maybe i just wanted to be able to vent for once were nobody would laugh, or make fun of me, call me a freak, nerd, waste of space, worthless, trash, but hey at least here everyone is a little broken like me, so maybe just this once i won't have to be alone, even if it's something as small as "hello" i'd be nice if even one person could see me for who i am, even if i may be a little broken. i'm sorry if this was to long, or not long enough, i've never actually used and online forum before so i'm not really sure how to do this. and i don't wanna distract from the other people, i've gone through most of my life alone and sometimes i have episodes where i don't feel anything, i'm not a very good person so maybe comforting others is the best idea, i'm sure there are more people on here who are in more pain that me and might need help from more supporting people. i don't wanna take away from them, it's probably best to just ignore me, i'm probably just a wast of your time anyways, but that's ok cause at least there's other people to help; more deserving people. well now i feel kinda weird after writing about so much of my personal secret stuff. i'm actually terrified to post this, but i really hope this is the right thing to do and not just another mistakes


SF Creative
SF Supporter
Hi, welcome to this place, glad you've found us. Hope you'll find some help and comfort here. Keep on posting, say as much as you want or as little as you want. We don't judge, we just listen and try to offer advice where possible. Many people are in a similar situation as yours so there will be understanding.

Take care


Swills Soup
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Artist
SF Supporter
I'm fifty years ahead of you in the time line. The advice from the future you: do the best that you can. Always do your best. When you feel like you're at your limit, do some more. Amaze yourself, as well as the people around you. Hint: doing the most that you can isn't about fun or happiness. Going the extra mile will never be about fun, or happiness. However, discovering how strong you are will eventually make you more happy.


Everything Zen
Staff member
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
Hi there, welcome to the forum. We adore the nerds, the worthless, the useless, the wastes of space, the hideous, the pointless, the shunned, the unforgiven. Whatever you've got, we're the ones to pull them all in and have a group hug. That's what this place is all about. We're a big effed up family so pull up a chair and join the crowd. Keep posting and enjoy. Cheers.
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