Hi, Im a new user so not pretty familiar with things out here. I dont know how to currently put across my mental state. I'm getting married next month. I knw a bride shud be all excited and happy. Im happy but not excited. Its like I have my doubts abt this relationship. I dont have friends who I can talk abt this. I love my OH a lot but I have a fear. A fear of getting into a new phase of life. Fear of what if things go wrong aftr marriage. The stress and arguements are just adding on it. At times I wish I was single, I had never met him. Other times Im like inseperable from him. I expected a lot from him, but I was always proved wrong. I cant back off from the wedding, as everything is at stake. I cry myself to sleep most of the nights. Just wishing things would get back to the time that we had just met. Im slowly drifting far away from him. I dont want to be so. Coz I know once I reach that stage, I wouldnt care for him at all. Everyday arguements n fights are just pushing me away. I feel like running away from everything or just ending my life. I have faced everything in this relationship betrayal, abuses, everything.... I want a happily married life. A life which I had thought of when I had agreed to the marriage proposal. I wanted to grow old with him. But now I wonder if we will be able to even live few years together. Im depressed to the core, no friends to talk to, just living with these thoughts in my mind. Day in and day out. I thought he was the one who would take care of me, love me, cherish each n every moment for me, make me feel beautiful and confident. Not someone who would make me cry, abuse me, make me feel insecured. Im feeling horrible. Feel like ending my life to get over these issues. I know I cant give up on life like this. I need to be strong. Its just a passing phase of life. But I just wanna hold sum1 and cry. Im just too tired being strong. I need a friend who doesnt judge me but understands me.