Wish I could go to sleep and not wake up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoGreen, May 31, 2013.

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  1. MoGreen

    MoGreen New Member

    I am not a big fan of people yet I wish I didn't feel so alone. All the hurt has added up and the pain had become debilitating.

    I need help but feel that I am both beyond it and really unworthy of it.

    It has been several months since I have hurt myself but today I have a particularly strong urge to do so. I know it is sick but I really do enjoy hurting myself. It is one of the few things left I enjoy. Obviously I have a real problem because I hate myself so much that I take pleasure in self destructive behavior. It is a release that I really need.

    Not only do I feel hopeless but I am just totally apathetic. I don't want to feel better. I just want to disappear. I don't want any of this. I never asked for this. I was never given a choice as to whether I wanted to enter into existence.

    Thank you for "listening."
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know you feel hopeless but it is not hun You are worthy of care of understanding hun just the depression making you see things so dark Just reach out ok to anyone hospital crisis anyone that will help you You said you want out of the pain hun and with help it can be done hugs
  3. skezz2013

    skezz2013 Member

    I can totally empathise with you hun, no words of advice I'm afraid, just wanted you to know that I get what you mean. Maybe we could help each other. Message me anytime.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I can relate to this so much...being scared of being alone, but then hating to be around others. Wanting to get better and become happier, but also feeling you don't deserve it. And I definitely know how bad it is to hate yourself so much, you want to self-destruct in as many ways as possible. So you aren't alone in these feelings, and we are all here for you.
  5. iliveinmydreams

    iliveinmydreams Banned Member

    I feel the same way, except I think I'm too much of a coward to hurt myself. I tried it once and it just wasn't for me I guess it hurt too much. I don't really have a release at all. Maybe letting people know I feel like killing myself is a release for me in a small way. Mostly I just feel like living in that void, or that feeling of being on the edge, is release enough for me.
  6. I also feel the same way. I'm anxiously awaiting the day when this country finally grows up about suicide. Of all the ridiculous taboos to still be clinging to, we pick that one.
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