wish I didn't feel anything

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Skylar, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    I hate school. I hate people. They are so selfish and mean. Today I have seen again my old friends whom abandoned me like I was nothing. I see them all the time but today was different. I thought I was finally getting better, I was having positive thoughts but no. I felt terrible again and so vulnerable... And I had to say Hi to one of them and it was the most pathetic greeting ever. One of the people around school said I am wandering around like a ghost. That my face looks so down. I guess I look super pathetic to other people. I have zero self confidence again. I feel like nobody wants to be friends with me. This loneliness is ruining my life. I wish I was stronger...
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi skylar, before I would have said to you hang on give them another chance but now I can relate, I quit school for a few reasons one being that I was laughed at by the whole class, it was so humiliating. I will be your friend if you need one, I have seen you around the forum and you seem like a caring individual, I hope things work out for you even though some peoples can be asswipes.
     
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  3. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Thank you Petal for your kind words. I wish I had that choice but it's not about me giving them another chance. People are so cruel, once the connection is lost nobody calls and asks about you. My old friends are perfectly fine and I am afraid there is no chance of me getting back to them again. They would have had a good laugh if I tried to make contact again. I tried to make it last but they were just done with me. They just dropped me like I was never in their life, they act like I was never in their life. I am just overwhelmed by the unfairness of this world...
     
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hey Skylar don't let other people's opinions/thoughts make you quit school. Try to find people who like you for who you are.

    I can relate to you, lots of people in my program judge me because I choose to drop a class this semester.
     
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  5. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Thanks Kcho. I am struggling because I have really low self confidence and making friends was hard for me before too. And honestly I am emotionally unstable right now, so I don't wanna ruin my chances with people that I can be good friends with in the future.
     
  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Well in the future, clubs are a great way to meet people.
     
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  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Skyler, You are stronger then you know! take this time, remember how to confront someone with a ready answer?
    the same can be applied here, I am your friend Skyler! Are you mine>?. I do not have to ask Why would you want them as Friends anyways? They are bigoted, narrow and small minded B_____S do you really need and want friends like that? Be safe, Stay Strong We are here for you, We are here even when you are not!
     
  8. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Uhh I tried that too and it was another disappointment. People there were those cool types who look you from above and despises others... I'll take my chances in another part of the club though. I have not yet given up.
     
  9. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Thank you Lee, I know I have the power, everybody does but that power is hiding and I have to set it free. I know I shouldn't bee friends with them, nor will I probably ever again... But sometimes I just wish it never ended, sometimes you give your love to the wrong people and it is hard to let go even though they hurt me a lot.
     
  10. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Skyler, you do not have to defend yourself with me! I am trying to reinforce what you already know! I have done the same things over and over again myself, why else would I be alone now! I try to give others in here some of the benefits of what I have learned, I am here because I did not learn it in time for me, I know I can not say it to everyone and hope it change the world, I have no illusions about what my message is an how some receive it, If I do really have a message or a philosophy? or is it just an opinion? In any case, I will be doing it until I can't, whenever that may be!
     
  11. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    I didn't realize I was being defensive. We're just talking :) You know my story better than anyone else here, I appreciate your opinions always. I don't know what I want really. When I remember the good memories I think of that little chance of getting back with them, when I remember the bad stuff.... No worries, it will all pass in time
     
  12. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am not upset or anything, I think it seems different when we are talking between our self and in a forum! I just want you to know I will repeat things like that, I really know that I am appreciated by you! I appreciate You as well! A Lot!
     
  13. Kamilla

    Kamilla Member

    I've been stabbed in the back by friends too. Lots of us have. People suck.
     
  14. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Well that is a bad thing to have in common. But what I think is that life is not just black and white. I think everybody is gray, talking about whether they are good or bad people btw. Yes they have treated us badly, but they don't treat everybody that way. I don't call someone evil just because they have broken my heart deeply. We meet hundreds of people in our lives. We can't be good to everybody. I am not defending them but know this. If they treat you bad, it just adds up to their darker side and that's that. That is how I try to see it anyways.
     
  15. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I have as well been stabbed, one day they are there, next day they are gone, I have decided they were not friends, when they can just disappear ,with no word not even the grace of telling you why, I know the reason, but I am not one to be chasing someone down to correct an error on their part, if they leave that easily, I don't want or need them! I now will find a real friend if that is what I want or need. There are others out there that can be worth their weight in Gold, I just might stick with my cats! they are already worth their weight in Gold!
     
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  16. Jellyfish

    Jellyfish Active Member

    You are remarkable Skylar!
    You are far stronger than you could ever believe!
    Your philosophy about people and what makes them 'good or bad' is so enlightened and pure that it truly makes me envious.
    I look at most people thinking that if they were to get something out of it they would betray you in a heartbeat.
    I've always thought that that means there is no 'good' in the world and that is part of human nature.
    I'm so glad there is still people like you who can have such hope, it's really beautiful really.
    You are clearly a very kind and remarkable person.
    I know it may not mean much, and whilst i'm never new to this forum and speaking about my and others feelings,
    Know that i will be here for you :)
     
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  17. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Yep they never tell, they just put the blame on you. I am also not making an effort to get back with them. We all go our seperate ways, move on with our lives. We have to work hard and be ourselves, the right people will find their way into our lives. And hushing these things will only make it worse, we can't force anything, nothing good comes out of that. Do whatever makes you happy Leigh. I am supporting you, I trust your judgement too. You must know what is best for you :)
     
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  18. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Actually Jellyfish, I am really really flattered by your compliments. It makes me happy that someone likes the way I think. It means much and I appreciate it. A few weeks ago I was one of the most pessimist and melancholic people you can imagine. I read a book called The Power of Positive Thinking. I am reading other books to improve myself and my self confidence. I try to see the good in everything. And forgiving those people who hurt us is a great way to find peace. I am not saying I am a whole new person but I am changing and man I needed to change.
    I am also here for you. I will try and help you all the way I can. Feel free to send a message wheneve you like :)
     
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  19. Jellyfish

    Jellyfish Active Member


    Thank you very much Skylar, it really means a lot to me.
    I appreciate it.
     
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