it's been 8 years since my last attempt, and i wish my ex-husband never found me. things don't get better. things just seem to get worse. i have no friends. no one wants to hear about my problems. no one cares that i am drowning and have no job and no money and i'll never get better. no one cares that i wish i could just disappear. they probably wouldn't miss me if i did. the only reason i stopped trying to kill myself is i failed so many times, too many to count. i hate myelf. i wish i was dead then i wouldn't feel so bad all the time. my kids deserve so much better than i could ever give them. they deserve a mom who can take care of them so they don't have to take care of themselves and me. my 5 year old wouldn't eat tonight because he wanted mommy to have his food because i haven't been eating. i hate food. i wish i didn't have to eat or breathe or even live. i need a way out because i have been told that i will never get better, which shouldn't come as a surprise because i have always known i would die depressed. my only hope for peace is death.