If I had died when I first tried, I would've had more friends that cared. Now, because my life has gone even more downhill, I'm isolated and am trying to take care of my extremely depressed brother. I have to find a home for my parrot and dog which rips my heart in two. I love them and want them to be loved. It's extremely complicated. I live with my Mother even though I am old (50- loser) and have not been able to beat the lifelong depression. She is sick now, and I suspect will die soon. This leaves me homeless and ........ I have no one to talk to except my sister-depressed, my brother derpressed, my sick mother and my Psyc. who has gotten me this far but goes home to her rich house............I don't know why I was ever born except to suffer if that's the plan God had for me.