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Wish I felt suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Undone, Jun 19, 2008.

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  1. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    I know how that sounds. I usually abhor suicidal thoughts & feelings when I have them, but in a strange way am also comforted by them.

    I am miserable as usual, & wish I could at least feel suicidal so I could see some way out. I've tried medication, therapy, exercise, meditation; none of it works in the long run, each day is just getting by.

    I have no hope, I even constitute suicide as hope, b/c at least it's an end to my constant state of depression. Again alone, without any hope, nothing to look forward to, not even the sweet release of death, I am trapped here. In this sad void of life I am stuck, trapped in a world that I never should have been brought into.

    Do I only exist to suffer? I want healing or I want death, & neither will come to my aid.

    At least I have vodka, for now.
  2. animebling

    animebling Well-Known Member

    Whoa! Go team vodka!
  3. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Vodka won't help.
  4. donnanva

    donnanva New Member

    I think it's so horrible that so many of us suffer so and to me it always seems like it's the nicest people who have to deal with all this crap. (((((hugs))))) Donna
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know what you mean by comforting.
    One of the main reasons I think I still have depression is because I'm scared to be without it. It's like, I can always count on it. Or, I can always count on suicidal thinking.
    But it's not a good friend to have.
  6. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    LOL! Yes! I also root for teams gin & rum. I don't care who wins really.
  7. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    I know, but nothing helps. So at least I can enjoy a short buzz.

    Oh, & Donna thanks for the hugs.
  8. applejuice

    applejuice Guest

    I'm always afraid of getting better because depression is just about everything I am, if I lose that i lose my personality. And if I feel happy I feel stupid and goofy
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