Wish I had the bottle

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ben121, May 2, 2009.

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  1. Ben121

    Ben121 Active Member

    Everything tells me that I should end it.

    I have never tried to end it. Did get drunk one night a few years ago but passed out be for I got around to doing anything.

    I don't work. I have not had a relationship since I was 18. I have lived alone since I was 20. Am 34 now.

    I walk with a limp and I have a spin that's twisted all over the place. That coursers pain and slows me down to much. I have no energy to do anything half the time.

    The doctors and the hospitals have given me all the help they can. I had lots of operations when I was 18 - 20 to fix my problems. There is nothing moor they can do. But still I walk with a limp and have a spin that's all messed up :mad: I hate my body to bits.

    Things well never change. Am 34 and my sex life has been none existent since I was 18. That in its self hurts the pride. Not that am the most sexually driven person in the world. My sex drive is like 0. But its not normal for someone my age. I just wont things the same has everyone else has. Things I know am never going to get.

    Am also short in height. Weaker then every guy I know physically. If only I could end this and come back in a body that's normal.

    I wont to enjoy life but there is always something that's stopping me. Things I can not control.

    If you know that all this was never going to change what would you do? Be honest. If your not allowed to say on here that you would end it then PM me your answer.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you seen a therapist to work on your self esteem?? If you think low of yourself then people are going to pick up on that..You need to hang on to any positive things that happen dailey and build on them..Maybe take some night classes so you can meet new people..Size doesn't matter. There was a guy ( i think he is dead now) named Sam Small who was a midget and he was married to a woman who was 5'11".. His size never held him down.. My point is you CAN still live a normal life.. Thats why I suggest you see a therapist to help you..
  3. Ben121

    Ben121 Active Member

    I don't think its necessarily about my self esteem. Its just facing facts.
    I have been back to college a number of times to no avail.
    Did not get any friends or GF out of it. In fact did not get anything out of it.

    I don't think ppl think I think low of myself. I don't think most ppl would give me a second thought ever way, Good or bad lol Am just not cool enough to be in the cool crowd :dry:
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Therapy might still help you though. People can pick up on how you feel, whether you're a confident person or you're really down on yourself. They can tell just by how you act, how you carry yourself. I can't see, but a lot of the times when I talk to someone, I can tell how they view themselves by the tone in their voice or the way they say things. A therapist could talk to you about what's going on and maybe help you gain some self-confidence, which in turn can help you to meet people.
  5. Ben121

    Ben121 Active Member

    I hear what your saying I really do. I just don't think my problems are about confidence. OK there is lots of things that maybe I could do with moor confidence with but having moor confidence wont make my spine strait and my health better. This are the things I need to change but unable to.
    This is where my frustration lye's and this is why I wish I had the bottle to end it.

    I don't think a therapist could do anything to help me. I know what problems I have, am just unable to do anything about them. Talking to some therapist would just be a wast of money.

    I Guss am looking for a reason to live. But know matter how hard I look I don't ever see anything changing and am unhappy with the way things are now so the logical thing to do would be to end it. Am just to chicken to do it.
  6. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Surgery is often takes the life out of you as it is physically and mentally exhausting. Now you are 34. You still have a limp. Have you tried physical therapy?

    Dude, if I were you I wouldn't stress about not having sex at your age, you have a handicap. And if I were you I'd work my arm muscles, and find a girl thats crazy about big arms! Of course its never that easy, but I would keep trying something differnent, with insane effort.

    But no matter what you do, you have to beleive in yourself. You matter!
  7. Ben121

    Ben121 Active Member

    I had physical therapy everyday since I was 11 tell about 15 years old. With out it I would not even be walking at all. So ye done me fair sharer of that.

    And about not stressing about the none sex thing and having a physical handicap is what the problem is really. This is something I well never be able to except.

    But thanks for your reply. I do get where you are coming from.
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