I don't know how to do this? How do i get myself to want to live? The crisis team have just been; they told me i have to start living again, that i have to see all i have done in my life, how much my kids need me... blaa, blaa, blaa! Do they really think i don't know this??? I have tried everything to connect/feel with my kids again! I have forced myself to face how my suicide will affect them, even read stories from children who have lost their mothers to suicide... NOTHING! I feel guilty for thinking/feeling like i do but not enough to stop me! Not enough to change all of the neglect i have done and pain i have caused! Not enough to hold on to like i used to! before last August my kids were my world and kept me safe but for some reason that changed! My kids go away to visit their dad and that is when i am at risk, i wont do anything when they are here, they have just come back, well all bar one, and i am scared shitless! How do i do this??? What if i can't and end up doing something impulsivly? i'm scared!