I come here sometimes, but don't post much. I just read people's stories and wonder what's wrong with me. My life really isn't that bad, so I don't know why I end up feeling so lousy at times. I do feel overwhelmed and totally behind most of the time. It seems that most of the time, I can't get caught up and everyday just puts me further and further behind. And I feel it. It's like....wake up, hmmm, well today is another day that I owe more money that I don't have to more people who don't give a rip that I'm broke. They just want their money (which is totally understandable). Oh but wait, thank God I've at least got a job, right! That is a good thing, but I go there and there are a trillion things to do that I'll never be able to finish in a million years. I mean, so far, it seems that all the world is still happy with me and my performance but it's just a frustrating feeling. I leave work each day with more things to do than i started with when I came in. PLUS the stuff that I started with. I just want to scream could all you people just leave me alone for a month so I can get all this insane and generally unimportant crap done that you are whining about. But that would be hateful and I know they don't mean any harm...they just need stuff. So, I keep smiling at them and adding things to my stack of stuff to do...that is ever growing and never shrinking. And I think...don't y'all need to lay anyone off? I'll go, at least that would offer the excuse as to why my life is a mess. At this point, there is no excuse. I'm just a mess. And church....grrrr...people ask me to volunteer for things and ministries and I'm too much of a dork to just say no. So, now I even dread going to church because I know someone else is going to ask me to do something for them. Ack! And then I get home. My house is a total wreck. I don't know what's wrong with me or why it seems to take me so long to do anything, but I'm the worst organized person and the slowest cleaner upper in the world. And every week I make a fresh commitment to "get it together" whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. Every week I try as hard as I can. And every week it's the same and I think really, God???? Why can't you just let me be done now? I'd never kill myself. I know it's not up to me, it's up to God. And I have a child that I love beyond comprehension and can't imaginet he thought of him having to live on this awful planet without a loving momma to have his back. That would be totally unfair and unkind. But I just wish I didn't want too!!!!!! I don't know if that makes sense or not but I look around and see people that seemingly are enjoying this planet, and I don't get it. I assume that most people live because they want too, I live because I have too. And I'd love to switch categories one day.