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Wish I was dead, but motivation to kill myself is gone.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by borderline., Oct 17, 2013.

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  1. borderline.

    borderline. Member

    I've been suicidal for 8 years, since I was 10 years old. I've been on about 30 medications in the past 4 years for depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. I've been on everything from SSRIs to antipsychotics to tranquilizers (which I'm still on). A week and a half ago I went on Lithium, a mood stabilizer normally for bipolar disorder, which I don't have. I hate antidepressants because they make me emotionless and I get side effects, but I was willing to try Lithium only because it's the name of my favorite song by my favorite band (Evanescence) since I was 10 and first got severely depressed. (The lyrics in my signature are actually from that song).
    For the first time in 8 years, I don't want to kill myself. Lithium decreases the neurotransmitter norepinephrine (which decreases motivation, especially a person's motivation to commit suicide). I'd still love to have a brain aneurysm or something, but I haven't had any motivation to die by my own hands since I started the Lithium. It's really strange.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am happy for you that the Lithium is taking away that urge
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