I woke up yesterday feeling angry and suicidal due to dreams about the man that raped me (continuoes, its every night now), I wanted to (self edit-methods) I thought the only thing to make me feel better was to have a few drinks, it was my alternative to suicide,so I went into the city and I had 6 or 7 bottles of miller. When I came home my mom went mental at me and told me to kill myself. She directly told me to (self edit-methods) I don't want to be here any more, I don't want to die, I just want things to be better, I'm 27 ffs, I need to get some independence and move out of this place, fucking hell hole it is, it's cursed. I cannot afford to move out yet, I need to get indepedant and get a life, I know that and I want to quit therapy cos its making me worse, i'm on the module of ''radical acceptance'' trust me when I say it is doing me no favours, its making me unstable and I don't like it. More happened but I don't want to talk about it here. Really do not want to share.Just wish I could die or disappear. I hate myself so much. I want to SH because I deserve to feel pain. My niece is making her holy confirmation on tuesday and I am not even invited. I am hated because I am a horrible person and deserve to die. On the upside, I leave my house everyday and I'm losing weight but fuck this I just want out. No one ever invites me anywhere, its always someone else, fuck this shit. I am hated/avoided because I am an anti social and a super anxious nut prone to panic attacks. Should I quit therapy if I am 100 percent sure it could drive me to suicide?