wish I wasn't on a suicide forum

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by oops, Dec 24, 2011.

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  1. oops

    oops New Member

    yep.

    This is my first time registering and actually posting on a forum, normally I just lurk. Since I'm trying to get help for my depression I figured this would be a solid step. So, erm, hello thur.

    About my depression:

    I'm a 23 year old female. I attempted suicide two months ago. My mother's medicine cabinet. Obviously, I failed. I did not try to fail, I didn't call for help, I never had any second thoughts, and I don't regret it. I've been getting treatment as a consequence of failing since October of this year. I was on a mandatory hold at the mental health institution for a while, I have been forced to do group therapy, and I am on Effexor, Remeron, and Abilify. I'm seeking a therapist because I'm holding out for I don't know what (how should I know what's there to look forward to? I'm depressed, have been since I was 12. I don't think I know what it's like to not be depressed). My official diagnosis is Major Depression with Schizoaffective Disorder (Depressive Type).

    I'm posting on this forum tonight because I'm relapsing and I don't want to. I had a good two months, months were I was productive and functioning on my drugs. I'm here because I want help, I guess. I don't know, I don't feel very good tonight. I figured I'd go to a place were at least I could relate to others and read about how others have coped and pushed through their depressive episodes in the hopes of getting a will to push through my own doody without resorting to more drugs or, worse, ECT. In the end, I have found it impossible to talk about depression with people who are not depressed or suicidal (how do you even begin to explain it? How can anyone stomach accusations of being dramatic or having it all 'in your head'? Nope nope, it's just not possible), so a suicide board seems like the place for me. Hello everyone.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...glad you found us,and yes, I am also sorry you are feeling as you are...please speak to your doctor/therapist and tell him/her of your concern of relapsing...but hope you are doing better today..welcome again
     
  3. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    I find being here and talking about the reality helps me NOT to have strong suicidal feelings. It's like a vent where people know what you're feeling.
    Keep posting. It will get better. You're not alone
     
  4. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi oops and a warm welcome to SF.. lots of others here with you who fight the mighty beast of depression and thoughts of ending it all.. depression has been my close relative and near for 55 yrs now.. a mighty nemisis. i also do remeron and trazodone to help keep the blues at bay each day.. works for lot of day thank goodness..

    oops please just try to keep the walls down and keep talking on here... we do not bite, hardly ever.. thanks for your intro post and some info about you.. hope the holidays are ok for you and you will be here for the new year with us.. tc, Jim
     
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    hey oops. Glad you found us, and hope you find what you need here.

    I suffer from schizoaffective disorder too, as well as many others. I hear voices 24/7. How much do you hear them?
     
  6. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    :hiya: and welcome
     
  7. oops

    oops New Member

    Thank you everyone for the hello, I think I'm glad I found this place. I will try to be helpful.

    I mostly hear them when I'm in the deepest throngs of my depressive episodes, so not all the time, though there are minor visual hallucinations and disorganized, spasmic thining all the time for me. I'm sorry you hear them 24/7, I think they're frightening. However, my Abilify has actually helped me quite a bit with that part of the psychosis. Are you on any meds specifically for those symptoms? It's hell on earth to have to put up with that all day every day, maybe you should talk to your doc about specifically addressing the schizoaffective symptoms with meds geared towards that particular spectrum of psychosis. Best of luck. I hope you can get some peace and quiet.
     
  8. AstroAshton92

    AstroAshton92 Active Member

    I'm really glad your here.

    I am new as well, only a few hours in actually. Every day that you hang on is another day you've said yes to life, and that is enough to know you are strong.
     
  9. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    Wish I wasn't on a suicide forum too, but you are my peeps and community. Being a creative person, nobody that is 'normal' understands me and I live in one of the most creative places in the world. There are a lot of wanna be's here and they want the magic to rub off on them. Ha. I have major depression and PTSD. If you add in the alphabet soup of letters I've been labeled with because I'm creative, it would take up a whole room. Therapists and pshrinks DO NOT understand creative people at all.
     
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