yep. This is my first time registering and actually posting on a forum, normally I just lurk. Since I'm trying to get help for my depression I figured this would be a solid step. So, erm, hello thur. About my depression: I'm a 23 year old female. I attempted suicide two months ago. My mother's medicine cabinet. Obviously, I failed. I did not try to fail, I didn't call for help, I never had any second thoughts, and I don't regret it. I've been getting treatment as a consequence of failing since October of this year. I was on a mandatory hold at the mental health institution for a while, I have been forced to do group therapy, and I am on Effexor, Remeron, and Abilify. I'm seeking a therapist because I'm holding out for I don't know what (how should I know what's there to look forward to? I'm depressed, have been since I was 12. I don't think I know what it's like to not be depressed). My official diagnosis is Major Depression with Schizoaffective Disorder (Depressive Type). I'm posting on this forum tonight because I'm relapsing and I don't want to. I had a good two months, months were I was productive and functioning on my drugs. I'm here because I want help, I guess. I don't know, I don't feel very good tonight. I figured I'd go to a place were at least I could relate to others and read about how others have coped and pushed through their depressive episodes in the hopes of getting a will to push through my own doody without resorting to more drugs or, worse, ECT. In the end, I have found it impossible to talk about depression with people who are not depressed or suicidal (how do you even begin to explain it? How can anyone stomach accusations of being dramatic or having it all 'in your head'? Nope nope, it's just not possible), so a suicide board seems like the place for me. Hello everyone.