I don't seem to have the courage to kill myself, nor do I want to hurt any of my friends, so despite the horrible constant pain I'm in, suicide seems unlikely. Instead, I sit around on weekends crying alone, wishing I were dead or wishing that I had never been born. If I had never been born, I would never have had to suffer the pain of growing up in a body whose gender doesn't match my mind's. And unlike with suicide, nobody would mourn me, since I'd never have existed. I just don't care about what I've accomplished in my life anymore. The gender dysphoria now dominates everything. My life is worthless to me if I'm male.