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Wish it had worked

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by alwaysscared, Sep 23, 2008.

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  1. alwaysscared

    alwaysscared Active Member

    So I tried again.

    The first time I did this, I knew what I was doing. Took an overdose, but somehow survived. That was 4 years ago. This time, I stayed away from the pills seeing as they didn't work last time. Suffice to say it didn't work. I'm just a bit sore and really tired and my head hurts like mad.

    I can't do this anymore. Mum's coming tomorrow to stay for 3 weeks. I don't know what I'm going to do. She soooo angry already coz I've not been studying (I'm working full time as a manager for gods sake - I never asked to be doing studies on top of that. I've DONE a degree, I don't NEED more qualifications!) And how the hell am I supposed to study when all I can think about is suicide?

    How the hell did I get myself into this situation?? Why can't I ever be strong with my parents and say no when I don't want to do something. So scared. Want to try another method, but don't know what.

    Sorry for posting and wasting everyone's time.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you are feeling so much pressure. Sounds like you might feel better distancing yourself from your parents a while. You don't have to be what they want you to be.
  3. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    Maybe you are strong enough to say no to your parents. Give it a try. It would be really difficult to manage a full time job and school, especially when you are having suicidal thoughts. Only you understand that. You need to do what's best for you, and that is standing up for yourself and making self-care your number 1 priority. Live for yourself, not anyone else. And you are not wasting anyone's time with your post :hug:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You sound as if you are iold enough to make some decisions for yourself. Is your degree in something that you are employable in? What do they want you to accomplish by getting this other degree? If your heart isn't in it, then perhaps it isn't the right time. Maybe you would like to further your degree sometime in the future, but for now you want a break from it. :hug:
  5. alwaysscared

    alwaysscared Active Member

    Thank u for all the replies. Feel a bit better now, but still want to die sooo much.

    The degree I did was vocational and led to a job. Parents want me to be a good manager so made me do this stupid open uni course in management which I'm positive I'm going to fail.

    Mum just having a go at me all the time. She only came to make sure I'd study and already she's put me off more than anything. I know she means well, but she's pushing me away more and more. Then she wants to know why I don't tell her things!

    This is pointless. I should just die and then I wont be a burden to family.
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