wish no one cared

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by abcd, Dec 19, 2009.

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  1. abcd

    abcd Active Member

    i know some people cry wishing others would care. But I wish no one would care so that I could just die and no one would be hurt. it's horrible, but i wish my parents were dead. they are the ones that would hurt the most. i'm trying to rationalize that they had 39 years with me, can't that be enough? I don't live in the same state anymore, so how much would their life really change anyway?
    I just want this depression to finally take me to that point where I don't care that they care. i'm so tired of carrying on. I don't want to get better. I want to die. i want to die!! I HATE the saying that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" This is no temporary problem! I hate myself and am too lazy to do anything about it. It's not going to change. I'm not going to change.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Depression at its worse is crippling it is but if you can just try again to get your medication changed added to try different cocktail New meds all time coming out Call your GP and get help okay your parents do not need to go to their death bed in pain over their childs death So please get help okay I know it is hard to pull your self out of that darkness but keep venting here keep talking okay it does help to get the pain out please keep trying Get after your doc to change things up a bit Take care.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey hope you are feeling better today keep posting okay let the pain out.
     
  4. abcd

    abcd Active Member

    No matter what med I'm on, all they do is stop the constant crying. the nurse in charge of my meds says we don't have any more to try....she probably means no more "Types" of drugs. Of what I can remember, I've been on lexpapro, effexor, celexa, wellbutruin, cymbalta, cymbalta & abilify, and now I'm on Pristiq.
    How can anything help when all I want to talk to the counselor about is how depressed I am? I don't use the hour to get better, I just want to use the hour to enjoy being who I really am with someone.
    The ONLY reason I get out of bed in the morning is because if I lose my job, my life will only get worse. Forcing myself to play the game until I can just check completely out. But playing the game is getting harder and harder and harder.
    My counselor reminded me that my parents could live for another 20 years. Every time I remember that, I my heart sinks to me feet. I can't live like this for 20 more years!
     
  5. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I am on a cocktail including 4 anti depressants. This last mix has help the most over the past many years.
    I always got that old run around when I was younger. Kill yourself and everybody will be the hurt victims. Sadly to say, over the years I have totally isolated myself so nobody would get hurt. I now find myself even more depressed with the loneliness that I have created for myself. Try another doc if you don't get results. All doctors have different opinions. I went through many before I felt comfy with the mix.
    The best thing in life is knowing somebody cares.
     
  6. abcd

    abcd Active Member

    well, off the airport to spend a week pretending that nothing is wrong and that I don't constantly dream of bullets going through my brain. This should be interesting.
     
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