So I have been taking these new pills for about 2 weeks now. Still not having any effect. I know they can take up to about 6 weeks before I may notice anything but I am just getting so frustrated now. Somehow, I don't know how but I have managed not to self harm in about 3 weeks now. Well not to the extent that I require stitches. So I suppose that is good. I don't feel any different though. My attempts at inducing seratonin syndrome kind of went down hill after I caught some bug and was really ill and the d+v that came with it kinda made me realise that I didn't want to die that way...the symptoms of seratonin syndrome are d+v amoungst other things. The attempt at infection also didn't work as it did get more infected but then cleared up on it's own. So now, I am thinking along the lines of more xxxxxx something along those lines. I suppose I don't have any real plans in place at the moment and is more just thinking about it. I had my first appointment with the people from that organisation I was refered to. It went quite well, much better than I thought it would. I was quite surprised. What also surprised me was how anxious and worked up I got actually talking about the self harm. I mean I can write on here and on my blog about it being open and ok. It doesn't bother me writing about it. I felt with this woman from this group that what ever I said was normal to her as she dealt with it on a daily basis so I was able to be more open as it is not something that would scare her, not something that would make someone think differently or worse of me. So I was able to explain about it. But she stopped me in the end as she could see that I was getting quite worked up about it. I didn't think that I would be like that at all. I thought being as though I can write about it I can talk about it but seems as though that was not the case. So I will have a weekly appointment with her. I have also been to a alcohol place in the city. They have also offered me regular appointments. Although, they said that they didn't think alcohol it self was the problem but was the fact that I was using it as a self harm method. I was totally honest with the guy who saw me and explained to him when I drink and that it's not a regular thing but the self harm is. That also I self harm then drink to make A+E more bearable. I know in myself that the alcohol isn't a problem. For many reasons but one of them being is that I have not had a drink in 3 weeks yet I have felt the same way and also that although I haven't seriously self harmed I have done other things and still feel suicidal. So not much has changed really. I am hoping things will soon as I know that although it's just thoughts at the moment it wont be long before these thoughts turn in to actions!