Wish the pills would just work now!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Dec 5, 2010.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So I have been taking these new pills for about 2 weeks now. Still not having any effect. I know they can take up to about 6 weeks before I may notice anything but I am just getting so frustrated now. Somehow, I don't know how but I have managed not to self harm in about 3 weeks now. Well not to the extent that I require stitches. So I suppose that is good. I don't feel any different though. My attempts at inducing seratonin syndrome kind of went down hill after I caught some bug and was really ill and the d+v that came with it kinda made me realise that I didn't want to die that way...the symptoms of seratonin syndrome are d+v amoungst other things. The attempt at infection also didn't work as it did get more infected but then cleared up on it's own. So now, I am thinking along the lines of more xxxxxx something along those lines. I suppose I don't have any real plans in place at the moment and is more just thinking about it.

    I had my first appointment with the people from that organisation I was refered to. It went quite well, much better than I thought it would. I was quite surprised. What also surprised me was how anxious and worked up I got actually talking about the self harm. I mean I can write on here and on my blog about it being open and ok. It doesn't bother me writing about it. I felt with this woman from this group that what ever I said was normal to her as she dealt with it on a daily basis so I was able to be more open as it is not something that would scare her, not something that would make someone think differently or worse of me. So I was able to explain about it. But she stopped me in the end as she could see that I was getting quite worked up about it. I didn't think that I would be like that at all. I thought being as though I can write about it I can talk about it but seems as though that was not the case. So I will have a weekly appointment with her.

    I have also been to a alcohol place in the city. They have also offered me regular appointments. Although, they said that they didn't think alcohol it self was the problem but was the fact that I was using it as a self harm method. I was totally honest with the guy who saw me and explained to him when I drink and that it's not a regular thing but the self harm is. That also I self harm then drink to make A+E more bearable. I know in myself that the alcohol isn't a problem. For many reasons but one of them being is that I have not had a drink in 3 weeks yet I have felt the same way and also that although I haven't seriously self harmed I have done other things and still feel suicidal.

    So not much has changed really. I am hoping things will soon as I know that although it's just thoughts at the moment it wont be long before these thoughts turn in to actions!
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 5, 2010
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Yes, some medication does take a while to load, but also speak to your pdoc and tell him/her that you are not feeling any effects of the medication...also, so glad you are treating yourself better and not harming yourself as much...big hugs
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    congrats on not self harming, i'm so proud of you. i wish i could go that long. guess it's just a day at a time. glad the appt wtih teh self harm network went okay. was wondering how it went. it's great you get to see them weekly. hope it continues to help.
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You know hun, I think it sounds like the meds are working, you just haven't noticed yet. You sound much more positive than you have done and you're making great strides in getting help and learning more about your condition. You're doing really well. Be proud of yourself.
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    The thing is I haven't stopped taking the Mirtazapine. I was told to stop taking them but in researching I have seen that the 2 can be taken together so I thought I would finish the prescription that I had. I am worried that when the time comes that they run out; in 2 weeks, then things will become a whole lot worse.

    i don't feel any better and the only reason I have not self harmed is because my parents are just storming in to my room whenever they feel like it as they know it is something that has happened. I know the next opportunity I gt where I have a couple of hours on my own at home I will do. I really want to tonight. I have not stopped thinking about it all day. The urges are so stong that it is making me feel sick. I have thought I will do it and just superficially but I am worried that as soon as I start I wont be able to stop!
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if you feel you have to then only harm enough to get the desired effect. don't cut deep. just enough to feel better. thinking of you and wishing you some respite.
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