Wishful thinking

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, May 10, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I wish that I had

    The courage

    To do it

    The selfishness

    To leave her alone

    The will

    To finally extinguish my light.

  2. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member


    stay safe...sleep easy..the pain you would feel afterwards would be worse than the pain you feel now. you are struggling, but dont give in to your emotions, and thats what it is, emotional turmoil playing with your head, lack of sleep, stress, anger, confusion, exhaustion (physical emotional and mental)guilt, it confuses reality and its so easy to make the wrong decision for the wrong reason. there is help out there, just reach out and vent...some one will always listen

    take care and again..stay safe... :hug:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Well that is good that you are afraid.. We wouldn't want anything to happen to you.. You are a big part of this family.. What has made you think on these lines?? Just remember you can talk to any of us!!!
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Honestly from the bottom of my heart, thank you both.

    There is a "but" and its too much to type.

    I'm tired, worn out and my reserves are depleted.
  5. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    this life is full of buts.

    truly Mo, keep yourself safe. go to bed get some sleep, exhaustion is evil.

    i can barely keep eyes open but always here if you need to vent.

    just pls...stay safe dont let the demons win. :hug:
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I can't go rest for obvious reasons

    Its okay, forget my continuous babble.
  7. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    its good to vent hun...
    even a power nap will help.
    just stand outside and scream is another alternative ;)
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I am sorry and I apologize to you all.

    Just not sure I can do this.
  9. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Jees you must be wrecked.lack of enough rest or sleep is bad for your mental health.hugs
  10. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Dont apologise .you deserve everythinh you feel.what you are doing is so unselfish.you truely are a good person
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Is anyone around to talk a while?
  12. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yeh sure I'm here to talk.
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks for offering Ace, sorry I missed your post.
  14. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    All I wanted was someone to talk to, to acknowledge me today. Every time I dialed numbers I ended up hanging up. Why? Isn't it my own fault and therefore why am I so angry? People will talk to others, but not to me - what gives? And I'm not talking to anyone, so what gives with that too? I could be dead, perhaps I should be dead. I wish I could just use my favorite chopping knife to slit my wrists, to pass out and to pass on. It would only take two minutes to do, less even, no thinking just doing. No going back, all over.

    no regrets?
  15. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Im sure would take more than two minutes to bleed painfully to death.
    Least half hour id say.dont do it.
  16. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I can do half an hour

    I can do this
  17. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    No its not something I could do.and I have been in extreme pain for ling time.
    Just think youre needed.and id miss u.you were the first person I met here
    You would be silly to do it.
  18. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Silly and stupid and selfish?


    I have to go.
  19. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I hope you don't do anything to yourself. Has something triggered you today? If you are on the verge of hurting yourself, please contact paramedics and/or go ER. I'm really sorry you are so stressed tonight.
  20. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Too many triggers

    And an internal debate if I can be so self serving to leave her

    Stupid me, yet again
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