Wishful thinking

[MoAnamCara]

I wish that I had

The courage

To do it

The selfishness

To leave her alone

The will

To finally extinguish my light.

:sad:

 

[icequeen]

:console::flowers:

stay safe...sleep easy..the pain you would feel afterwards would be worse than the pain you feel now. you are struggling, but dont give in to your emotions, and thats what it is, emotional turmoil playing with your head, lack of sleep, stress, anger, confusion, exhaustion (physical emotional and mental)guilt, it confuses reality and its so easy to make the wrong decision for the wrong reason. there is help out there, just reach out and vent...some one will always listen

take care and again..stay safe... :hug:

 

[Stranger1]

Well that is good that you are afraid.. We wouldn't want anything to happen to you.. You are a big part of this family.. What has made you think on these lines?? Just remember you can talk to any of us!!!

 

[MoAnamCara]

Honestly from the bottom of my heart, thank you both.

There is a "but" and its too much to type.

I'm tired, worn out and my reserves are depleted.

 

[icequeen]

this life is full of buts.

truly Mo, keep yourself safe. go to bed get some sleep, exhaustion is evil.

i can barely keep eyes open but always here if you need to vent.

just pls...stay safe dont let the demons win. :hug:

 

[MoAnamCara]

I can't go rest for obvious reasons

Its okay, forget my continuous babble.

 

[icequeen]

its good to vent hun...
even a power nap will help.
just stand outside and scream is another alternative

 

[MoAnamCara]

I am sorry and I apologize to you all.

Just not sure I can do this.

 

[starryeyed]

Jees you must be wrecked.lack of enough rest or sleep is bad for your mental health.hugs

 

[starryeyed]

Dont apologise .you deserve everythinh you feel.what you are doing is so unselfish.you truely are a good person

 

[MoAnamCara]

Is anyone around to talk a while?

 

[ace]

Yeh sure I'm here to talk.

 

[MoAnamCara]

Thanks for offering Ace, sorry I missed your post.

 

[MoAnamCara]

All I wanted was someone to talk to, to acknowledge me today. Every time I dialed numbers I ended up hanging up. Why? Isn't it my own fault and therefore why am I so angry? People will talk to others, but not to me - what gives? And I'm not talking to anyone, so what gives with that too? I could be dead, perhaps I should be dead. I wish I could just use my favorite chopping knife to slit my wrists, to pass out and to pass on. It would only take two minutes to do, less even, no thinking just doing. No going back, all over.

no regrets?

 

[starryeyed]

Im sure would take more than two minutes to bleed painfully to death.
Least half hour id say.dont do it.

 

[MoAnamCara]

I can do half an hour

I can do this

 

[starryeyed]

No its not something I could do.and I have been in extreme pain for ling time.
Just think youre needed.and id miss u.you were the first person I met here
You would be silly to do it.

 

[MoAnamCara]

Silly and stupid and selfish?

Absolutely.

I have to go.

 

[Acy]

I hope you don't do anything to yourself. Has something triggered you today? If you are on the verge of hurting yourself, please contact paramedics and/or go ER. I'm really sorry you are so stressed tonight.

 

[MoAnamCara]

Too many triggers

And an internal debate if I can be so self serving to leave her

Stupid me, yet again