wishing I could die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chadaho, Jan 7, 2014.

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  1. Chadaho

    Chadaho Member

    I can't keep my head straight. I have never wanted to die so bad but I can't put up with the physical pain/discomfort long enough to do it. I tried to do it in my car. Kept telling myself " Just sit a bit longer and its over." Finally I couldn't rake it any more and had to get out. I really thought I'd just fall asleep and die. I read up on every pill in the house and there's not a real chance I won't just suffer for a long time and then recover from the attempted overdose. Or worse yet, live the rest of my life as a miserable vegetable. I don't have access to a tall enough building and jumping into traffic probably won't work. I can't even kill myself right. I sat on some train tracks but the damn train never came. What does a guy have to do to stop suffering? I tried to live. I tried to hold my family together. I tried to do everything right. Now I have a wife in prison, kids scattered a crossed three counties, no job, no home, and no indication that any things gonna change. I asked for help with the thoughts, no help, I've searched every day for a job, any job, that will help me support my kids. No job. Healthcare is supposed to be available now and I can't even get that to work. If anyone out there knows a better way to end it let me know. If I had the money I would hire someone to kill me. I obviously can't do it myself no matter how much I want to. I have no guns, no access to good drugs, and extremely limited resources. Suicide by cop is all that I can think of but they probably wouldn't cooperate either.
     
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    honestly, i've tried 7 times and failed... i have come to the belief that ending our life isn't totally up to us ... like its not totally in our hands... idk if you wanna say its up to karma or fate or God or w/e.... but there have been times that by all rights i should no longer be here. so to answer your question of what you have to do to stop suffering.... the only thing you can do is try to fix whatever problem/s there is/are .... cuz death is not certain no matter what you do
     
  3. Chadaho

    Chadaho Member

    I honestly tried as hard as I could to fix it. I asked for help, I prayed. I did everything I could think of. I search and searched for a job. All I got was roadblocks and dead ends. There's no help. there's no job. There's definitely a god but his back is to me. He won't even let me die. I meant to sit and suffer until he seems fit to end it. All I need is a sure fire way that I can do. has to be fast. has to be certain. Has to be soon.
     
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