I can't keep my head straight. I have never wanted to die so bad but I can't put up with the physical pain/discomfort long enough to do it. I tried to do it in my car. Kept telling myself " Just sit a bit longer and its over." Finally I couldn't rake it any more and had to get out. I really thought I'd just fall asleep and die. I read up on every pill in the house and there's not a real chance I won't just suffer for a long time and then recover from the attempted overdose. Or worse yet, live the rest of my life as a miserable vegetable. I don't have access to a tall enough building and jumping into traffic probably won't work. I can't even kill myself right. I sat on some train tracks but the damn train never came. What does a guy have to do to stop suffering? I tried to live. I tried to hold my family together. I tried to do everything right. Now I have a wife in prison, kids scattered a crossed three counties, no job, no home, and no indication that any things gonna change. I asked for help with the thoughts, no help, I've searched every day for a job, any job, that will help me support my kids. No job. Healthcare is supposed to be available now and I can't even get that to work. If anyone out there knows a better way to end it let me know. If I had the money I would hire someone to kill me. I obviously can't do it myself no matter how much I want to. I have no guns, no access to good drugs, and extremely limited resources. Suicide by cop is all that I can think of but they probably wouldn't cooperate either.