Wishing I didn't have to worry about my SSDI... (American Disability Benefits)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lightbeam, Feb 1, 2013.

  1. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    My pdoc told me in our last appt that the SSDI people have to determine by the evidence before them if it would be better for me to remain on SSDI, or if I would make further progress by being a productive member of society (working). He feels that I am not ready for the stress of working. Not to mention he is concerned that I am getting worse actually, because of our appointments. I usually go in with shadows that threaten t0 kill him, and have me watch. I become apathetic during our meetings. I just don't think I'm being listened to.

    He doesn't know about the shadows. I am just going to get so apathetic, that it will trigger a psychotic episode possibly. One of these days, I am going to snap, and tell them to kill him. I am just about there... I truly am ill. How I can go to work beyond 2008 (the year of my last mental breakdown/psychotic episode, that spurred continued psychotic issues up to now.) is beyond me. I am going to be 'under the weather' for the rest of my life.

    But yet, I have a government entity that may possibly say that I am able to work. And I'm nowhere near ready. I hate therapists. They all have their theories and work to back them up. 'Well, how do you feel about that Mr Jason?' 'I want you to leave me alone. I don't need you filling my head with psychobabble.'
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your doctor will make sure they understand you are not capable of going to work hun don't worry ok
     
  3. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I hope that he puts that in all over the 3 remaining notes that I will have with him before the review. The government will think I am all well, and everything. This is be a temporary blip on the government's screen. We've taken care of Jason. He's all better because he only sees his doctor 4 times a year now. He has to be doing well.

    They don't understand the reason I only see him every three months, is because it was more cost effective for me to get my meds through mail order. They are not going understand that I am choosing to not talk to a therapist, because I have issues with therapists putting all sorts of psycho-babble in my head, and then me turning into a trained parrot spouting their words. That I am content with the fact that my voices will never go away. That I am comfortable being sick. They won't understand that I have no idea what I would do without the voices. They have pretty much helped raise me. They will always be there regardless of circumstance.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOUR DOCTOR will make them see the Jason that he has been taking care of hun don't worry hun ok
     
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I am going to be paranoid about it until the hearing... December 13th... my exwife's birthday.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    That is so far away hun please hun make sure your doctor knows how paranoid you are and how the voices are not leaving ok make sure you doctor documents everything
     
  7. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    He has over the past three years...

    There just won't be much there, because we started the whole 3 month span about a year and a half ago.