My pdoc told me in our last appt that the SSDI people have to determine by the evidence before them if it would be better for me to remain on SSDI, or if I would make further progress by being a productive member of society (working). He feels that I am not ready for the stress of working. Not to mention he is concerned that I am getting worse actually, because of our appointments. I usually go in with shadows that threaten t0 kill him, and have me watch. I become apathetic during our meetings. I just don't think I'm being listened to. He doesn't know about the shadows. I am just going to get so apathetic, that it will trigger a psychotic episode possibly. One of these days, I am going to snap, and tell them to kill him. I am just about there... I truly am ill. How I can go to work beyond 2008 (the year of my last mental breakdown/psychotic episode, that spurred continued psychotic issues up to now.) is beyond me. I am going to be 'under the weather' for the rest of my life. But yet, I have a government entity that may possibly say that I am able to work. And I'm nowhere near ready. I hate therapists. They all have their theories and work to back them up. 'Well, how do you feel about that Mr Jason?' 'I want you to leave me alone. I don't need you filling my head with psychobabble.'