I feel like I'm in a permanent state of crisis. I feel like the urge to force myself off this mortal coil is a constant companion. I'm never going to get better while I stay in the stagnant reality that is my life. I'm living for the times when I feel free of these feelings, and free to be a 'me' that I can't be otherwise. And those times are not enough. I should be grateful for what I've got, but I'm not. They make me selfish. They make me want it more.