Wishing..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Jul 15, 2015.

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  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Just wishing I could go to sleep and not wake up again. I'm so ashamed of myself and everything. If it's not one thing going wrong it's another.... "whatever life.... " uggggg..... :'(
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    What are you ashamed of? Talk to us here about it. Don't bottle everything up, that is what we are here for, peer to peer support =)
     
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Just one thing after another. I'm trying to get my apartment together, take care of the 4 kids, trying to be the best mom.... I walk in my room and find out one of my kids took scissors to my bed and cut up a few things. I just thinking I'm screwing up as a mom again. Trying to clean up one mess and later find the kids did something else. I started having them start cleaning up if the make a mess of something, because honestly I can't keep up. Trying to get all the dishes done and there is still tons more to do... plus I have a baby with a cold, so what next? Just so upset, I'm crying... I'm screwing everything up.....
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi honey, that is not screwing up as a mom. Kids will and do make the biggest messes they can. Like i used to draw with a marker on the wall as a kid, no matter how many times i was told i still did it, i was a defiant little kid, it wasn't my mothers failings, just kids being kids. How old are your kids? You cannot have a baby and watch your kids 100 percent of the time you'd need eyes on the back of your head. None of this is your fault :hugs:
     
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    My kids are 8,6,3, and a 9 month old...

    I feel so depressed... exhausted... waiting for my 2 oldest to get home, hoping to get some sleep.... just want to sleep this off ... hopefully my husband will be home soon so I can call today quits....
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That has GOT to be very stressful and chaotic. All very young children. I know I wouldn't be able to do it and look after kids those ages at once, does your husband know how you feel? Do you have any family that can come and help you. You are NOT a bad mum, you're clearly doing all you can while suffering depression too, I hope you get a break soon, maybe your family or your husbands family could take care of the kids for a weekend so you can get a break. Is that an option?
     
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    We live far from family.... but maybe moving to another city where my husband's best friend lives... not sure what we're doing yet...


    Sorry, I can't stop crying....
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Okay....as for now you have to keep yourself safe hun, is your husband home yet? Have you considered getting a child minder while you're suffering and trying to deal with all that comes from depression, if you can afford to? Bottom line is keeping yourself safe now, you're not a bad mum just a very busy one with lots of your shoulders to carry around with you.
     
  9. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I wish that I could too. I'm in constant pain mentally.
     
  10. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    My husband is home. I really don't know what else to do. Just stuck in this dark hole.

    My husband helped me get the kids to.bed and everything. My 9 month old is sick. Hope she's better in the morning.

    I have therapy tomorrow afternoon... i still want to cancel again... just not wanting to go anywhere or face anyone...
     
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hi. Sounds like a day you dont want a repeat of. Guess there will be plenty of days of what now....especially with kids but it might be very stressful now but keep in mind youre creating priceless memories and childhood stories once your kids is older. Just take it one minute at a time, as long your okay your kids will be okay as well. Please dont cancel the Therapy appointment as it will be better for you to vent at the session.
     
  12. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Someone from another website told me to go kill myself. Apparently this person hates the world from looking though this person's activity. I would message this person and go off on them... but not sure if I will or not or what to say... just breaks my heart that others do this. If it wasn't for my kids being here, I probably would kill myself... just really sad... sorry...

    I'm just exhausted... i see my therapist in 4 more hours, my baby is still sick... :( I don't feel well....

    I'll be okay... so tired. I'll try to make the best of today - if possible. Not sure what else to do... Just hoping we feel better soon
     
  13. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I cancelled therapy again.. i feel so sick...
     
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