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with xmas on the way my thoughts of suicide are worse then ever...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DarkLordVader, Dec 13, 2012.

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  1. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    its like everything around me all the time now is setting me off, not to mention this crummy, overrated, marketed holiday we have coming up. being alone and i am alone every day and this bulloney holiday just makes me want to <edit moderator total eclipse method> for xmas dinner. i have exhausted all my efforts to try and get help and no matter what i may say the local health care facilities just tell me, your fine, go home and get some rest. really? i told them if i owned a gun i would have done this a long time ago and they still say, you down own one, so your fine. nice to see the local community cares so much for the sick and suffering. they dont so i would like to off myself right down in public square with a long letter attached to let them all know how pathetic society is and YES, they pushed me over the edge. now how is that for a happy holiday?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2012
  2. Bitterwood

    Bitterwood Member

    I kinda gave up on trying to get people to understand my pain. They won't, not always because they are selfish or superficial, but because they are simply incapable of understanding something they don't feel themselves. The nicer ones at least admit this. As for the others, don't bother with them. Especially the ones who think they know better than you. They don't :).

    As for christmas, i don't care much about it. I'm what i call a neo-atheist. The only thing that bothers me is the impact it has on "regular" people. The shopping spree, the absolute need that many feel to do something fun or lovely on this holiday. It bothers me that some do have loving families and end up doing stuff they love as a group or with friends. I don't, and it usually depresses the crap out of me, but there is little i can do about it so i endure. It's a sad solution, i know, but that's kinda it.

    On the bright side, i have some real and online friends, who are a bit more open minded and also see that holidays and customs like this are overrated. That usually makes me feel better. Don't know if any of that helped, but feel free to PM me if you need to vent some loneliness :)
  3. lampoonland

    lampoonland Account Closed

    I'm struggling too Carbie.This time of year really does have a way of putting ones life in perspective...it grabs you by the scruff of the neck and forces you to look at the mess your life has become.It's like a mocking,dancing, bauble and tinsel adorned jester in the corner telling me gleefully how much I've failed, and how sad,pathetic and lonely I've become, and how I really should hop along somewhere else,cause I'm certainly not wanted around here.
    So I turn on the radio or the TV to try and maintain some kind of connection with reality,only to be bombarded with shiny happy people revelling in the Christmas spirit,or endless streams of commercials luring us down an ever more materialistic path.
    The mental health system has failed me too.I couldn't be more alone with this if I tried.
    Feel free to contact me any time too.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I understand totally that society is pathetic and the stuff on the TV misses the point - the commercialisation of the holiday is sickening and everyone just glitzes around pretending to have a good time by getting drunk and gorging on too much unhealthy party food.

    There is something within us crying 'Enough!! - give me what is real!'

    But killing oneself because of the rubbish all around us is not going to help - there is another option. Christmas started up as a commemoration of the birth of a unique baby - and unfortunately the reality of this seems to have got lost by society at large - but deep inside there is still that something that is curious ......... Society therefore cannot give it to us, but we can reach out for it ourselves.....
  5. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    i appreciate all the support i have been given, it does help me continue on
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sorry that you've been feeling this way

    people in the health care profession should be helpful and caring, and some are. others are total assholes and they don't give a shit.

    please don't let your experience with these people get you down.

    hopefully there is a way that you can get the support that you need

    you might want to check out the link in my sig

    hope that things can get better soon!
  7. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    as of now i am taking some natural suppliments to help with my depression
    i feel ok, but there still are things when i see them that make me want to just eat a bullet
    so overall its not bad, but then again its not good either
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