Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KnightFalls, Sep 3, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    I don't want to be here. I get sick to my stomach when I eat so I am barely eating. I cannot concentrate. I can barely think of anything beyond death. I do not understand it. I know wanting to die is wrong and selfish. I know i have a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally. But I can't stop thinking about it. Why won't it just stop!

    And then I sit here and have to listen to a colleague suck his teeth, another laugh like a f***ing hyena and yet another crunch chips so loud it is obnoxious. I get angry and switch from wanting to hurt myself to hurting them. Such little things that should be inconsequential are insurmountable.

    Make it stop. Someone, please!!! I can't take this anymore!
  2. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Hi Knight;

    I think I can relate to some of what you describe. My anxiety tends to magnify everything. Even a pin dropping feels like it is shredding my brain.

    As for other people laughing and how intolerable that feels? A lot of us on here understand that all too well. The curse of the despairing soul, I'm afraid.

    How long have you been feeling this way? Can you trace these feelings back to anything specific?
  3. KnightFalls

    KnightFalls Well-Known Member

    Thanks Angel. Ya, my anxieties make things very intolerable. They have most of my life. But I have Been out of control since about May. Hating everything and everyone. Was envisioning hurting people. But only Became very suicidal within the last few weeks. I do not really know what happened. Went from wanting to hurt others to actually hurting myself. Perhaps that was because hurting others was not an acceptable option.

    I reached out a few months ago to my gp about my elevated anxiety so he put me on an SSRI. It helped a little but was not helping with the rage. Started seeing a t three weeks ago. He wants me in mood stabilizers but this is out of gp realm. I stopped taking the SSRI thinking maybe that is causing the suicidal desire. Did that once a week or so ago in retaliation, went back in for 6 days and stopped again yesterday.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.