Withdrawing into a hole.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lachrymose27, Feb 5, 2011.

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  1. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    So I'm spose to chill with my friends this weekend... like every other weekend.. but I had to make some excuse about why I could'nt do it. They would know something was wrong if they saw me.. I can't appear happy this week, maybe for weeks to come. I don't know how I can keep making excuses about not being able to see them. Times are tough, and although I am relieved to have been let go from my Job two days ago, I am worried that I won't be able to find another one. Actually, its more like i'm not motivated enough.. I don't know what i will be happy doing. Well, i'd be happy to apply for some job that i think i would like, but what i want to apply for isn't available to me here and would require me to move to a different state where i have no friends or family for support or if i have the resources to move there. Really hard for me to appear happy these last few weeks. I don't know what the hell is the matter with me. I think maybe the winter is having an effect, i always get this way during the winter. Don't know why i've always told people that I was a winter person and that i love the snow.

    I am someone who has learned to really try and see the positive side of things. But no matter how happy or motivated I try to appear, somewhere, depression is constantly eating at me. My depression started during freshman college, maybe some high school. But college is where it broke me the most. I don't know where I got my depression from. My family isn't so lackluster. My friends are normal hardworking people. I use to think maybe i was depressed because i was a stupid kid. But it just followed me indefinitely. It must be a disorder. It seems impossible to me to not feel any normalcy after 9'ish years.

    I called the psychiatrist today, but was told to call back tomorrow, so thats a step to self-improvement, i hope. But I kind of doubt that i will find any cure. When it comes down to it, I must really help myself. But even I can't see the light in the abyss.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you do get in to see psychiatrist soon and get on some meds for your depression it could be chemically related therapy as well can help to get you out of that abyss your in I am glad you are here getting support too hugs
  3. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    thank you eclipse, i hope you are doing well too.
  4. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    hey, i hope your getting help and doing better, ifi were you id stop making excusses and go hang with them at least the really close ones. and then tell them what is wrong, they will help a load. :hugs:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Now is the time you need to be around your friends the most.. You need the support and a few laughs..Don't isolate it's not a good life..Don't be to hard on your self about the job.. Take a couple of days and regroup, then get out there and start looking again.. The way the economy is you might have to take something for now just to keep the cash flowing..Take Care...
  6. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    I've been so withdrawn i'm ignoring my friends call and text messages... i don't even know what kind of excuse i could give them tomorrow for not being able to hang out... About the support and a few laughs.. my mood is so low i can't even pretend to laugh, i don't want them to see me like this , part of why i've been isolating myself.. plus being jobless when all my friends are working makes me shameful about myself

  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

  8. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    I've always been a bit withdrawn/isolated, even more so when I quit my job, sort of like you just losing yours. Ignored everyone, all calls, e-mails, everything, now no one ever tries to contact me. Would suggest not taking the same route, nothing good can come out of ignoring all your friends, know it's tough from what you've described. Maybe just a token appearence or just seeing one of them seperately if you think they could help, if you keep ignoring them or blowing them off they'll stop contacting you, then you'd be worse off. Those feelings you have are tough to overcome but would be great to make the effort because you may be worse off by isolating more, take it from a fool who has.:grr:
  9. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    yeah, i mean... i've kind of disappeared on my friends already for two times... but i've just reconnected with them 3 years ago and luckily they didn't think much of it and thought it was only a distance issue
  10. Androgyny

    Androgyny Well-Known Member

    Good god, your story is so familiar...

    Do what you can to see the psych and be as open as you can to the experience. It took me nearly 20 years of suffering the way you are to finally take that step. My only regret in taking the step is that I didn't do it sooner. I'm nowhere near perfect (who is?), but life is certainly better than the intolerable hell that it used to be.

    In terms of your friends... It is important not to isolate yourself, but on the other hand, don't push yourself into situations you simply cannot deal with. As gakky suggested, maybe see them seperately or at least in circumstances which you find less threatening.

    Best wishes

  11. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    damn it, its so difficult. depression holding me back from getting ahead. don't think i will be able to cope working in any job under depression. i don't want to be depressed.
  12. Androgyny

    Androgyny Well-Known Member

    Work on the depression first, worry about employment later. The extra stress that can come with a job can exacerbate any depressive symptoms/mindsets.
  13. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I wish i could tell mother without her making me feel worse about myself. I dont have any support here other than the medication prescribed to me. I only see my therapist once a week. Free for the other six days, trying to but failing to get better. I dont know how i can deal with it anymore...

  14. sweep

    sweep Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear your suffering depression :( yep i think its important to battle your dep b4 thinking about work, im in a simialr situation i feel like im really withdrwan now into a hole :(
  15. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    hope you can cope better than i can.

  16. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    I feel like giving up
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