I relapsed at the beginning of the year and have been on a a binge ever since. The affects of being up for a few days, missing several doses of my meds and withdrawing is taking it's toll. The suicidal thoughts are no stranger, but they are so intense. I can't be left alone in fear I will succeed this time around.(I currently have a good friend staying with me.) Its been years since I've been to the hospital, but tonight I'm thinking that is where I need to be. I'm scared of my own thoughts..scared of what I may do tonight.