I dunno, I'm constantly jumping to the idea of just ending it.I really don't want to deal with life anymore, there are good times...but in the end I always go back to this very feeling.I feel like there is nothing out there for me, whats worse is that I know its my fault I'm this way, my own mistakes have brought me this pain I feel.I dug my own grave.I'm letting it bother me and I'm careless with everything.I try to motivate myself to do better in life but I just can't, I dunno why. I'm thinking of the one I love and it breaks my heart to know he won't always be around, I think of my education and I hate myself for not doing any better and letting everyone and myself down, hell I just look in the mirror and I tell myself why, what the hell is the matter with you. I have no friends to go to, the ones I do have don't have time for me and are all so succseful but then you look at me-I'm the lowest of the low.I can't do anything right. I'm worried for my future and I don't wanna be around to experience it, because I know it'll be bad and I just want time to stop.I'm growing older and I hate it, when I was with him today,when he held me in his arms I remember I felt tears in my eyes because I just wanted to stay there forever because I was happy in that moment and I didn't want it to be taken away from me, but it still was.Whenever I'm happy its taken away, and I just want that cycle to end.It won't end, I hate emotion so much, emotion is what drove me to do stupid things and to fail.I'm just tired of feeling and tired of life. I feel so selfish walking this earth, being the worthless one that I am.