Woe is me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KrystalKastles, Aug 10, 2014.

  1. KrystalKastles

    KrystalKastles New Member

    I dunno, I'm constantly jumping to the idea of just ending it.I really don't want to deal with life anymore, there are good times...but in the end I always go back to this very feeling.I feel like there is nothing out there for me, whats worse is that I know its my fault I'm this way, my own mistakes have brought me this pain I feel.I dug my own grave.I'm letting it bother me and I'm careless with everything.I try to motivate myself to do better in life but I just can't, I dunno why. I'm thinking of the one I love and it breaks my heart to know he won't always be around, I think of my education and I hate myself for not doing any better and letting everyone and myself down, hell I just look in the mirror and I tell myself why, what the hell is the matter with you. I have no friends to go to, the ones I do have don't have time for me and are all so succseful but then you look at me-I'm the lowest of the low.I can't do anything right. I'm worried for my future and I don't wanna be around to experience it, because I know it'll be bad and I just want time to stop.I'm growing older and I hate it, when I was with him today,when he held me in his arms I remember I felt tears in my eyes because I just wanted to stay there forever because I was happy in that moment and I didn't want it to be taken away from me, but it still was.Whenever I'm happy its taken away, and I just want that cycle to end.It won't end, I hate emotion so much, emotion is what drove me to do stupid things and to fail.I'm just tired of feeling and tired of life. I feel so selfish walking this earth, being the worthless one that I am.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You post is very moving. Life can be tough but it does mean you can we walk on this earth on your own. You are a survivor and do think anything different. That's makes worth a lot and NOT worthless. You took courage to post here and you just remember you are not only one suffering alone. Think about the positive thoughts and things in your life. With those thoughts you can overcome the current ocean of emotion your are suffering. Over-thinking does not help any one but just eats you up more. People who are successful on outside, does not mean that they suffering on the inside. Do not compare you yourself to others. You are a unique person on this earth who deserves live you life. I hope these words help you and encourages your to post here as apart of healing process. You will find support and comfort here.
     
  3. Jagroen

    Jagroen Well-Known Member

    Krystal, you took the words out of my head and wrote them out.
    Lately I have noticed I have these "spurts" of motivation and I take action on them to stop mid way because I cant be bothered because I let my depression get the best of me.

    I know its rough, but remember the happy moments.
    Hopefully your boyfriend knows whats going on and supports you when your not feeling well.
    Just being there for someone can mean the world to them.

    I do hope you find some comfort here, and if you ever need to talk, I am willing to listen.