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woke up feeling like crap

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Jun 15, 2015.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I feel stupid making another thread when I see I have one from a couple of weeks ago still on this page, but I have to say this. My past hurts and everyday, in some way or another, I am reminded of that. I didn't have a peaceful sleep....I haven't really had one of those in a long time. What I did have was one where I was reminded of the times I was called names...names by girls who said demeaning things to me. They were words that made me feel ashamed to consider myself a man. Having a girl call you a "pussy" in front of others can do that. I don't want to get into detailes beyond that except I never understood why she said that. I don't know what I ever did to her. She wasn't the only person or girl to ever call me that. I don't know if it was because I was quiet, but if that was the case, it never made much sense. Months later, when a girl I liekd rejected me, she too said some degrading things about me as a man. That, alongside other hurtful things hurt to the point of me wanting to take my life. But did it matter? No....my life didn't matter then. It seemed to be okay for people to say hurtful thigns to me and years later all this crap still hurts. I dealt with it by drinking and now being over a year sober, it's still there...the hurt. I just wish that it wasn't. I'm sorry for rambling.
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Don't be afraid to make threads if you need support :hug: and you are not rambling :hug:

    Are these nightmares you are having or are you being kept up with these thoughts and can't sleep? She sounds like a silly little girl, especially if she was calling you things just because you were quiet. No, it doesn't make much sense, it's just plain stupid. Was this in school?

    Your life mattered then, and your life matters now. It was not okay for people to say things like that to you, it is never okay. I'm truly sorry it brought you to a point where you wanted to end your life. That makes me extremely sad and angry.

    A year sober is a great achievement. Congratulations, keep going. I hope you are feeling a little better. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Like Cicada said, you can start posts anytime you want or need to. We're always here, and someone will listen.

    I'm sorry you've been put down and made to feel so bad. I have no idea why people say the things they do; but there's nothing wrong with your being quiet. These girls do sound like silly little girls who want to play mind games with people, and I'm sorry their words are still causing you pain.
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Cicada, It's thoughts that keep me up at night. Then I wake up, and they bother me from the moment I get up and as I get ready for work. It gets to where it's just random, painful stuff like remembering some girl calling me names or some asshole who would talk shit thinking I wouldn't say anything back. It's funny when someone when someone would call me names like "pussy" but couldn't really say it to my face...just loud enough for me to hear it indirectly, if that makes sense.

    As for the other girl.....the one who rejected me....that is a wound that still hurts deeply and I'm not sure if it will ever heal. I don't understand why I wasn't good enough. I try to accept that I wasn't good enough for her, but her words hurt so much and even though I have been rejected before, this one just still hurts after all these years. I tried to get up and not let this stuff bother me, but I still feel a bit sad and unsure about today.
  5. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey again,

    I know that feeling well. When those thoughts and memories come into my head randomly, they give me anxiety and it can really affect my mood for the rest of the day. I have no idea what it is all about, but I'm going to speak to my doctor about it because it bothers me, maybe you can too?

    Yeah, it makes sense. People talking about you behind your back is horrible. It just makes you think, if I've heard them this time, how many other times have they been doing it? Thing you have to remember is, you are the better person for not saying anything back. I know it hurts, but what do you need to reply to an idiot for? You don't need to justify yourself to them and you certainly don't need to be in conversation with them. The fact that they couldn't say it to your face just shows what kind of person they are. They don't have it in them to say to you what their issue is. Most likely because it's unjustified, petty and exaggerated. I know it's hard, but try not to let it bother you so much anymore. It's not your fault and to be honest, they don't sound like very nice people. Would you really like to go out with a girl who made you feel so badly of yourself? I don't really see a reason for her to degrade you as a man, doesn't matter if she was interested or not. Probably best she "rejected" you, because to me it sounds like she was the one who isn't good enough for you. You don't need someone in your life that hurt you so deeply. I hope you feel better today.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Sadhart,

    Don't feel silly for making a new thread,make all the threads you want and ramble all you want, let it out of your system :

    I think what those people said was really degrading and must have been so upsetting as it is still affecting you now. I once heard a saying ''what someone else thinks of you is none of your business'' and I do go by that rule except if its a trusted family member. I know it's hard to hear people talking badly about you, I remember my school days when christmas was coming up and we were having a concert and remember a girl saying ''lynn cannot do anything'' another time I was called a handicap. It did really hurt but I got over it luckily, is there a chance that these thoughts are affecting you so badly that you might have post traumatic stress disorder?
    For what its worth I think you are brave and courageous for sharing this with us and I wish you all the best.
  7. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for the late reply. When it comes to doctors and psychiatric drugs, I am not a big fan of those. I have....kept a somewhat open mind about them recently.

    Thank you for what you said about the rejection and other stuff that still hurts me. I know this is probably a twisted thing to say, but I felt that maybe I did deserve all those things she said. I wasn't like the guys that she felt was worth her time. I guess It's hard for me to let go because I had feelings for her. I really hate saying that but it's true.
  8. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you went through but I'm glad that you got over that though. I don't know if I have post traumatic....maybe. It feels like so many things trigger painful memories for me.
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