I feel stupid making another thread when I see I have one from a couple of weeks ago still on this page, but I have to say this. My past hurts and everyday, in some way or another, I am reminded of that. I didn't have a peaceful sleep....I haven't really had one of those in a long time. What I did have was one where I was reminded of the times I was called names...names by girls who said demeaning things to me. They were words that made me feel ashamed to consider myself a man. Having a girl call you a "pussy" in front of others can do that. I don't want to get into detailes beyond that except I never understood why she said that. I don't know what I ever did to her. She wasn't the only person or girl to ever call me that. I don't know if it was because I was quiet, but if that was the case, it never made much sense. Months later, when a girl I liekd rejected me, she too said some degrading things about me as a man. That, alongside other hurtful things hurt to the point of me wanting to take my life. But did it matter? No....my life didn't matter then. It seemed to be okay for people to say hurtful thigns to me and years later all this crap still hurts. I dealt with it by drinking and now being over a year sober, it's still there...the hurt. I just wish that it wasn't. I'm sorry for rambling.