Woke up from my attempt right now

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by mikest8, Jan 6, 2012.

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  1. mikest8

    mikest8 Member

    Damn it, I still believe I couldn't do it. I can't tell my method, but it's essential to the understanding of history, that you know that is based on reducing the level of blood sugar to unsustainable levels. You should know either that my "substance" was bought in June/2011 when I was pretending to do it already, but I got help in here. It have to be kept on fridge (ain't poisoning) until the expiration (dec/2011) or is valid for 1 month out of fridge. I couldn't keep that in there without any suspicion, so I kept it in my room and prayed to that to still working. I also read that it would lose the efficiency if used out of any of this deadlines, but I did it anyway. I had nothing to lose.

    I've been here a few times before and I always got stopped, but yesterday (7hours ago, actually - it was dawn) I didn't. I just decided to do it, 'cause it was the most apropriate day to do it, having regard my relatives and what that might cause to them. I was walking round my room from 1am to 2:30am thinking and nearly crying. But then I decided to do it once for all. The very first dose was the most delayed, 'cause you don't kill yourself as if you were frying an egg. The other 9 were just fine. Now I knew that it would take about 30 minutes to me to be gone. I was damn excited so I couldn't sleep, but I layed down listening to musics like in every night. I've read that it might make me hungry, as an answer from my brain to make the blood sugar rise up again. What I didn't read was that'd be like a munchies. I was damn hungry, starving... And we had ordered pizza earlier, so I tought some pieces wouldn't make much difference, since I had A LOT of my "substance". On the way to the kichen I was feeling drunk, 'cause thats what your body do within any overdose - when I took them just to sleep much). I was happy 'cause I was drunk, feeded, drying... Everything was going nicely. Until I woke up. I couldn't believe that, that couldn't be happening. "Maybe it's still making effect, I'll just sleep again" I tought, but it was 4:20 already. It was past that 30 minutes. I was hot and sweating a lot and went back to sleep. 6am I woke up again and accepted my fate. I shouldn't had eat like a pig. Now my substance is gone and I still alive. That feels really like a failure. Now my relatives are talking to me and making fun and they don't even suspect that I tried to kill my self earlier this morning.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are here, but so sorry your relatives sound so clueless and lack such compassion...even someone who had gotten as 'drunk' as you stated, would be signalling they had issues...I hope you talk to someone about how you are feeling, as it seems you are lacking support at home...please continue to post, as there are so many of us who understand what it is like to awake in this condition...to emphasize that I truly know how this feels, I will share a brief story...tried to take the bus on a Saturday nite, awoke to a surprise birthday party for me 2 days early, with family and family friends singing 'happy birthday', and a full Sunday morning brunch being served...G-d did I feel like I was living with aliens!
  3. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're suffering, ((Mike)), but I'm so glad you survived. I've been there several times (waking up from a failed attempt), and know that disappointment all too well. Since you did survive, I hope you'll consider the possibility of getting some help to move beyond the pain and toward the happiness you deserve. I'm also concerned about the long term after effects of surviving your method. I know that you have enough bringing you down without new health issues to suffer as a result of this attempt. Please consider going to the ER or seeking some sort of medical attention. And please continue to post and know that you are among friends here. I'm just one of many who truly care and want you to survive. Sending hugs and friendship...T :console:
  4. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i know exactly the method you used as ive tried the same.
    basically i ended up in hospital with a drip straight down to my heart from my jugular - even if thats possible at all.
    i had taken enough but they needed to bring me up via the drip.
    the hospital took my methods away - i regret that many times over.
    but i survived - maybe for a reason.
    im not in a good place at the moment and cant really offer any good advice - but ive been where you have!!! youre not alone!!!
    it can be slow acting as in you may get the sweats and shakes for a few days if you are still low.
    please get some cola down you until you can focus again.
    once in focus stay around here and we will support you 24/7!!!
  5. dragonfly70

    dragonfly70 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad your body knew what to do to save you. We are wired with a natural self-preservation response in situations like yours. The body will do what it can to survive, even when our minds would rather it not. Things like hunger, temperature regulation, reflexes...all of these things are there to keep us alive. That is the body's preferred state.

    Please respect what your body is trying to tell you. Tell someone what you did and get to a hospital. I doubt your family would be making fun if they knew. And they can't know that something is wrong unless you tell them, as much as you would want them to be able to read the pain behind your eyes. They just can't see it. Give them the chance to care for you. Give yourself the chance to be cared for.

  6. liferules74

    liferules74 Member

    First of all thanks for posting this. I feel your pain and I hope I can help...

    I totally know what it feels to wake up from a failed attempt. I tried something once and ended up waking up on the bathroom covered with a blanket. I lost 12 hours of memory and I woke up just as miserable and suicidal as when I started. That morning I made the right decision and I went to the hospital to get help. I highly recommend anyone in our situation to go get help immediately after waking up. I would love it if nobody got in this situation but I've been through enough life to know better...

    So if you are in this situation please understand that you can damage internal organs but not damage them enough to accomplish anything. The thing that scares me is what happens if you wake up messed up?

    I have a good friend that was found and was reported as being a vegetable but still alive. I heard they are learning to walk again.

    I hope you take care of yourself there is more to life than misery...
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