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Woke up suicidal,..

#1
How do you long timers do this? I literally woke up this morning and thought of actually somehow ‘doing it’....what the hell.....I want to be here but I don’t....please, give me some advice. How does one keep doing this day after day.....I have it all .... sorry, just had to rant....fear of hell and love of my family keeps me here. I have no desire to take care of myself....eat well or exercise....wish I could trade places with someone who actually wants to be here but is suffering from an illness....my illness will not kill me quick enough,,,,how sick is that......
 

Dani24

Well-Known Member
#2
I think for me I just keep thinking that if I do end it, my family will have to suffer without me. They still need around to help them out. It is difficult because those thoughts pop in constantly. I think we just need to live one day at a time, take one step at a time. Give yourself something to believe in, something to put hope and faith in. I never really believed In God, but this year I decided to give it a try. It changed my perspective on life. I am still struggling, not sure if this advice helps, but I hope you find other reasons and purpose for life.
 
#3
Hi @Hatingmyselfdaily I was wondering if you could tell me a little about your story and if you know perhaps what started your feelings of depression? Was it a series of events or your childhood perhaps? Mine is a series of traumatic events which occurred in close succession along with a difficult childhood which I never really processed fully at the time. I’m going to start a thread later today when I get a chance to pass on some interesting insights that I was told recently. I have been lucky enough to be referred to occupational health through work and the organisation I have been referred to have a very different approach to anything I’ve experienced before. I’ve had cbt and talking therapy so far but neither have been helpful. But my most recent appointment started to make me see things slightly differently. Look out for my thread and I hope that you or some people on here may find it useful.
 
#4
Hi @Hatingmyselfdaily I was wondering if you could tell me a little about your story and if you know perhaps what started your feelings of depression? Was it a series of events or your childhood perhaps? Mine is a series of traumatic events which occurred in close succession along with a difficult childhood which I never really processed fully at the time. I’m going to start a thread later today when I get a chance to pass on some interesting insights that I was told recently. I have been lucky enough to be referred to occupational health through work and the organisation I have been referred to have a very different approach to anything I’ve experienced before. I’ve had cbt and talking therapy so far but neither have been helpful. But my most recent appointment started to make me see things slightly differently. Look out for my thread and I hope that you or some people on here may find it useful.
I did have childhood trauma however ‘recovered’ and went on to live a wonderful life until trauma resurrected all of it....this happened a week before my son’s wedding. I then did some uncharacteristic things and I hurt someone I love (not physically)...i hate myself......
 

Were all together

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
I did have childhood trauma however ‘recovered’ and went on to live a wonderful life until trauma resurrected all of it....this happened a week before my son’s wedding. I then did some uncharacteristic things and I hurt someone I love (not physically)...i hate myself......
I think you have placed a punishment on yourself. That is by far, the worst punishment of all. We are our own worst critics. No one can tell us different or change our minds. When, you feel you can forgive yourself things may get a little better. Until then, no amount of convincing will help you.
 
#6
I think you have placed a punishment on yourself. That is by far, the worst punishment of all. We are our own worst critics. No one can tell us different or change our minds. When, you feel you can forgive yourself things may get a little better. Until then, no amount of convincing will help you.
Exactly...you are more than correct....until then I am doomed.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#8
I literally woke up this morning and thought of actually somehow ‘doing it’....what the hell.....I want to be here but I don’t....please, give me some advice.
I feel that what you really need is a rest from the thoughts going through your mind which will obviously be affecting your ability to look after yourself properly. Sometimes we have to let others take care of us for a while so we can rest and give ourselves space and time to begin recovery. If you feel your safety is at risk, I think it's time to think about going in patient. There are stronger calming meds that are probably not prescribed very often outside a closely medically supervised setting. Please be safe.
 
#9
I feel that what you really need is a rest from the thoughts going through your mind which will obviously be affecting your ability to look after yourself properly. Sometimes we have to let others take care of us for a while so we can rest and give ourselves space and time to begin recovery. If you feel your safety is at risk, I think it's time to think about going in patient. There are stronger calming meds that are probably not prescribed very often outside a closely medically supervised setting. Please be safe.
You are also correct Lara..thanks for your honesty. I am embarrassed to go inpatient but it may be my only option.
 
#11
Don't let embarrassment stop you from asking for all the help you need @Hatingmyselfdaily . We all need help sometimes *hug
Yes...but this is so not me...people would be shocked as outwardly I appear to have it all...without knowing my history, some people may even find what brought me to this point as laughable...i suppose getting help is better than the alternative...as I would leave a trail of grief behind...
 
#12
Yes...but this is so not me...people would be shocked as outwardly I appear to have it all...without knowing my history, some people may even find what brought me to this point as laughable...i suppose getting help is better than the alternative...as I would leave a trail of grief behind...
Being in a locked ward scares the crap out of me....
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#14
Yes...but this is so not me...people would be shocked as outwardly I appear to have it all...without knowing my history, some people may even find what brought me to this point as laughable...i suppose getting help is better than the alternative...as I would leave a trail of grief behind...
It doesn't matter about outward appearances, or what other people might think if you're feeling so bad inside. What do they know? I think you should just accept these feelings are there without trying to mask them by putting on an act. Also don't cut yourself off from the help you may need by trying to keep these feelings hidden.
 
#15
It doesn't matter about outward appearances, or what other people might think if you're feeling so bad inside. What do they know? I think you should just accept these feelings are there without trying to mask them by putting on an act. Also don't cut yourself off from the help you may need by trying to keep these feelings hidden.
Thanks Lara....you are very kind....
 

Angie

Fiber Artist
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#16
Recovering from trauma requires a lot of work and patience with the process. I believe you are in therapy? Be patient with yourself and the process. It won't be fixed in a day, but there will come a time when you go "oh I don't feel bad today" and you will have those not bad days more often, and eventually they will run 50 / 50 and then the good outnumbers the bad days. This is what has happened to me. I will say I do have some incredibly bad days, but the good do outnumber them.

Keep on.
 
#17
Recovering from trauma requires a lot of work and patience with the process. I believe you are in therapy? Be patient with yourself and the process. It won't be fixed in a day, but there will come a time when you go "oh I don't feel bad today" and you will have those not bad days more often, and eventually they will run 50 / 50 and then the good outnumbers the bad days. This is what has happened to me. I will say I do have some incredibly bad days, but the good do outnumber them.

Keep on.
Thank you....Yes, I am in therapy. I actually did have a couple of ‘good’ days recently...I almost felt undeserving of them to be honest with you. Today is just so bad that I just really want it to stop. my self hatred just is not getting any less.....
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#18
Yes...but this is so not me...people would be shocked as outwardly I appear to have it all...without knowing my history, some people may even find what brought me to this point as laughable
It could be you are more conscious now of your vulnerability. We all have them. I think you are the same you inside you always have been, and always will be, maybe even more self aware than before having gone through this trauma. As I said, to heal from it you need to let things come fully to light instead of hiding the feelings in the darkness
 

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