Woke up wanting to kill myself but I could not focus on doing it. I have "the kit" down stairs in the closet. I tried to focus on it, see if it would relieve the pain. I could not focus on it, so the pain continues. Thought about posting this in the chat room, but I don't think people would no how to respond or would it do any good. So now what. My wife will be back home any time. (She took off for two days) So I can't actually try to kill myself anyway. The chance of her catching me is way to great. And I just don't think I can do it anyway. So what's next. Sit here and be depressed. Add images to the report on working on. Death is what I need. But it won't come soon enough. It's funny because if you read this you'd think I am depressed. Which I am but for good reasons. So I will plow through the day waiting for my wife. Maybe tomorrow I can get up the courage to do myself in? It's simple enough to do, but doing it is just so hard. Really is, if not I would already be gone.