Woke Up

[Viro]

I never intended to make it through last night. Now I'm lost. My quick fix is gone.

Nobody knows. I live by myself, essentially. A few others on my floor, but they rarely come in. I thought I had planned it so well - I even took the spare room key, telling them that I had locked myself out. There are no other copies, no one would have been able to rush in and save me.

Now I'm walking around numb. Made it to all my classes but crashed again. I missed my support group today.

I don't know what to do. Can anyone who's been through this give me some advice?

 

[Sadeyes]

Is there a therapist/pdoc that you can connect with today? Having tried to hurt yourself, it sounds like you are in need of attention. If there is no professional that you see, do you think you should go to the counseling center, or such at your univeristy? I am concerned about your safety

 

[total eclipse]

Now what you do hun is go to hospital to emergency and talk to a crisis team member there hun okay You need help time to reach out NOW and get it okay
Talk to a councillor at university call crisis line or go right to emergency now and get help there will be someone there to talk to you okay hugs

 

[pleasehelpbadmom]

I woke up the next morning over a decade ago now. I was foolish enough to take myself to a hospital to make sure I was ok. They treated me like a criminal and a really stupid one at that for not even killing herself right instead and forced me to "voluntarily" check into the psych ward "before I continue to hurt my family even more". If I didn't wish I was dead enough before, imagine how that made me feel. After 2 weeks, what got me out of wishing I was dead so much was just the acceptance that it wasn't my time to go (and seeing that by comparison I sure as heck wasn't as sick in the head as some of the other people in the psych ward). So I went back to classes, graduated from uni a month later and went on with life. I've tried to paint a prettier picture of life. I travelled, move to the country, watched the ocean and mountains every day to remind myself how small my life is in the big picture, and how even smaller my days or my problems are. Grains of sand. I can get past them. Sure I still think a lot of people are living life as one big fat lie, maybe I am trying to fool myself too, but maybe not everyone is. I still have really incredibly low days, I still think about dying, but I know that I could be happy if I let myself. It takes a lot of work, and it is so damn hard, but I know I could be happy. You deserve to be happy. Find something, anything to make you happy. Find a way to make your life something you want to live. I hope you find your own way to get out of the temptation of death.

 

[Anneinside]

Please don't think that everyone has bad experiences by going to the hospital. I have had over 20 hospitalizations since 1992 and only one of them included a person who made thoughtless/mean things because I had overdosed. All the rest of the people I have had contact with in hospitals have been professional and caring. If you need to go to the hospital then do it.

 

[Viro]

I haven't been out to see anyone yet. The centre on campus is ages away and its freezing cold and dark out now. I don't want to go down there by myself but don't know anyone else well enough to ask them. I'll be fine to make it through the night. I don't think I need to go to the hospital, I feel fine now and really regret last night. Not just because I failed too. Got a bunch of stuff off my chest today. Unfortunately I was really really hungry and ate most of the food I had for the rest of the week but I can just go steal some from Pride, they'll feed me. There's a big gathering I'll go to tomorrow and then go get help afterwards (the support centre is just below it)

I'm a hundred times more motivated now. I actually set a bunch of goals for myself today. Thanks for listening to me you guys, it means a lot.

 

[kote]

good for you!!! im glad you are feeling better!!!
but just in case in the future try and set up a support network for the dark times.
much of the time i feel ok but i have the odd bumps where the world comes crashing down.
these are the times my network kick in, just like last week when i was too drunk to walk. my mother in law and brother in law helped out. from that i went to the drs. and got some medicine which will make me very sick if i drink again.
problem - support - solution
it all really helps me every day knowing i have a group of people looking out for me.
i hope things go well for you from now on.

 

[Viro]

Yes, it was the stress of moving out for the first time and going to a new place. Lots of work piled up quick and I didn't make a lot of friends.