woman trapped in a man's body

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by eternalcocoon, Dec 9, 2010.

  1. eternalcocoon

    eternalcocoon New Member

    Hello, I am a 20-year-old lad and I am from Italy (so please forgive any English errors). Firstly, thank you all for giving a little of your time to read this. I have an issue that I believe is shared by many people--the feeling that I was born in the wrong body. I am what medicine calls transgender, I feel like I am phsycollogically a woman, but who is tragically trapped in a man's body. If you are a man, imagine if suddenly one day you wake up and you are in a woman's body. Your penis is gone. You get a vagina, and breasts, and long hair... or imagine the opposite, if you're a woman, imagine waking up in a man's body. That is just awful. I want to have a women's body, I feel so deeply feminine, I admire everything about the femal universe, and people say I'm very sensitive. But I can't express this feminility, and that kills me so much to look at the mirror and see a man. I don't know if you can picture what it feels like, but imagine the worst feeling you can ever feel and you will get a little close to what I feel everyday. I can't look at my penis. I have fallen in love with straight men countless times and wanted them to see me as a woman, but they despise me. And homossexual relashionships are not enough because I can't enjoy pleasure without feeling guilty for my penis, without feeling like a monster. I don't want that other men touch me there. I feel so horribly ashamed of myself. When I'm sexually aroused alone in my room, it's kind of okay, because I try to ignore it itself and just concentrate on the pleasure. But when I'm with other men in a sexual context, I just feel like a horrible beast. And it's hard for me to be with a man, because gay men do not want a feminine man. They want man who does look like a man and feel like such. But me, my body is mishaped, because it is so masculine in some parts, but at the same time I'm small, and I have a thin waist... It seems like my mind has forced my body to become as feminine as it could become, despite the fact that I have a male body. But I became an androgynous being in a freaky way. I wish I could be completely feminine, I wish I had long hair, soft skin, beautiful feminine breasts and a vagina. I have hair all over my body, my feet are big, my face... At the same time, I think I'm too socially f***ed up to undergo a sex transformation. I think I just couldn't handle all the prejudice, all the fingers pointing out to me, my family's opinion. And, I just don't know if that would really make me feel complete, because I've seen pictures of transexuals and most of them, you can tell they were once men. I don't want to feel such incompleteness, or that I'm a freak or something. Sometimes this idea is so horrible that I think remaining as a man is better. I can't live like this anymore. I can't relax for one second, because I'm all the time self-conscious about my body, and about myself. I feel so uncomfortable when I'm next to a man, that I wish I could just disappear from earth. And my sexual frustrations are hitting such levels, that I desire every man I see on the street... specially those who are really masculine, and I wanted to have a relashionship with them so I could feel like a true woman... but I just can't... knowing that this is most likely to never happen, it feels like a horrible, horrible prospect. I don't know how long I can't take this anymore, how much longer I can live this life pretending to people that I'm okay, when in fact I hate every little thing about myself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2010
  2. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Dear eternalcocoon.
    Learn to love your penis,it is merely an organ that has branched off and evolved from the vagina.Your penis is in part an elongated clitoris,and if you one day find the courage to take the natural step towards becoming the woman that you are on the inside,then your penis will be reshaped to give you the genital appearance and function that you seem to need to feel good about your lovemaking.
    Do not look at your body as being something awful,I know it is hard in today's society not to feel physically imperfect,but you must realise that there are people out there who crave your shape.
    You seem very low,and it must be hard to have been handed a destiny, that at this time, may only seem to be bringing you into contact with people who either mock you for who you are or aggress against against how you are.Sadly such folk are either evil or they feel such shame at their own feminine natures bubbling up inside of them.
    Having read your words,I truly believe that you long to be woman,there is nothing wrong with you wishing for a wish that you can grant yourself.
    Take care.