Hello, I am a 20-year-old lad and I am from Italy (so please forgive any English errors). Firstly, thank you all for giving a little of your time to read this. I have an issue that I believe is shared by many people--the feeling that I was born in the wrong body. I am what medicine calls transgender, I feel like I am phsycollogically a woman, but who is tragically trapped in a man's body. If you are a man, imagine if suddenly one day you wake up and you are in a woman's body. Your penis is gone. You get a vagina, and breasts, and long hair... or imagine the opposite, if you're a woman, imagine waking up in a man's body. That is just awful. I want to have a women's body, I feel so deeply feminine, I admire everything about the femal universe, and people say I'm very sensitive. But I can't express this feminility, and that kills me so much to look at the mirror and see a man. I don't know if you can picture what it feels like, but imagine the worst feeling you can ever feel and you will get a little close to what I feel everyday. I can't look at my penis. I have fallen in love with straight men countless times and wanted them to see me as a woman, but they despise me. And homossexual relashionships are not enough because I can't enjoy pleasure without feeling guilty for my penis, without feeling like a monster. I don't want that other men touch me there. I feel so horribly ashamed of myself. When I'm sexually aroused alone in my room, it's kind of okay, because I try to ignore it itself and just concentrate on the pleasure. But when I'm with other men in a sexual context, I just feel like a horrible beast. And it's hard for me to be with a man, because gay men do not want a feminine man. They want man who does look like a man and feel like such. But me, my body is mishaped, because it is so masculine in some parts, but at the same time I'm small, and I have a thin waist... It seems like my mind has forced my body to become as feminine as it could become, despite the fact that I have a male body. But I became an androgynous being in a freaky way. I wish I could be completely feminine, I wish I had long hair, soft skin, beautiful feminine breasts and a vagina. I have hair all over my body, my feet are big, my face... At the same time, I think I'm too socially f***ed up to undergo a sex transformation. I think I just couldn't handle all the prejudice, all the fingers pointing out to me, my family's opinion. And, I just don't know if that would really make me feel complete, because I've seen pictures of transexuals and most of them, you can tell they were once men. I don't want to feel such incompleteness, or that I'm a freak or something. Sometimes this idea is so horrible that I think remaining as a man is better. I can't live like this anymore. I can't relax for one second, because I'm all the time self-conscious about my body, and about myself. I feel so uncomfortable when I'm next to a man, that I wish I could just disappear from earth. And my sexual frustrations are hitting such levels, that I desire every man I see on the street... specially those who are really masculine, and I wanted to have a relashionship with them so I could feel like a true woman... but I just can't... knowing that this is most likely to never happen, it feels like a horrible, horrible prospect. I don't know how long I can't take this anymore, how much longer I can live this life pretending to people that I'm okay, when in fact I hate every little thing about myself.