Women dating sex-offenders?

Discussion in 'Opinions, Beliefs, & Points of View' started by shades, May 28, 2009.

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  1. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Just saw on the news in U.S.

    A woman was dating a known sex-offender, had an argument with him and her 5-year old daughter disappeared within hours. The authorities are currently searching for her in Louisiana, U.S.A. The offender is being held on a probation violation.

    An attorney commenting on the situation believes that women who date known sex-offenders should be held responsible legally, for neglect, should something like this happen.

  2. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Wow, that's incredibly screwed up... Dating a sex offender when you have a young daughter? How does that seem like a good idea? Some women are naive enough to believe they've changed their ways and fall in love with them I guess. That doesn't mean you can hold them accountable for the guys actions. They both share the blame in my eyes, her for putting her daughter at risk and him for abusing a child.
  3. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I think it depends on the nature of the offense. If the guy is a serial rapist, with no interest in children...then she is an idiot. If he does have an interest in children, then shes a moron. If he is a poor guy who went home a drunk minor because she snuck into a bar with a fake ID...then poor guy.
  4. oftentorn

    oftentorn Member

    I don't think that I could agree with a blanket statement that people dating anyone with the label "sex offender" should be held criminally neglegent just because of that because as the last poster mentioned unfortunately people are way too slap happy with that label.

    With that disclaimer out of the way....I ABSOLUTELY agree that the parent who willfully dates or leaves thier child in the care or presence of a known pedophile should be held accountable for that should something happen to the child. I think they should be held liable EVEN IF NOTHING HAPPENS to the child....because a predator who is good at grooming will make sure that nobody else ever knows of anything, but that don't mean it ain't happening.

    If someone is so self centered that they would insist on jepardizing thier children for the sake of her having a nasty, perverted sick man....she doesn't deserve any better treatment than he!!!!

    Again, that's assuming it's KNOWN. If someone had no idea at all, then I do have more sympathy...but given the ready availability of info. these days, I still have a hard time with anyone who doesn't do thier due diligence in checking out the people that they expose thier children too. Kids are helpless and they depend on us to protect them from that which they don't understand. We owe it to them to check out folks and if someone is potentially harmful to my child and I have some way of knowing that...I don't care how cute, caring or reformed he seems...my child's safety has to be more important than my desire for a man. Grrrrrr
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    To answer one of the posts above, the woman knew he was a pedophile because she made sure to say on an interview that "she always made sure that he was never left alone with her daughter and that another parent was always present if she was not there". OMG
  6. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I think this is better put in the soap box, and yes the women should be held accountable and if he child is found it should be taken away from her because she obviously has no idea in how to keep her safe.
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    yep, bystanders are responsible and it is neglect. people like this exist. all the women in my family are like this and when i confront them , tell them i'm dying because of what they did and didn't do- they say "what if i kill myself?!!!"

    i'm not surprised things like this happen i've heard it so often before, women giving their children to grandfathers to abuse etc.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2009
  8. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    From your original post, I don't know enough. A sex offender could be somebody who got drunk and peed in public on the way home from the bar. Or a 17 year old who had sex with a 15 year old. Or lots of things.
    That said, a parents primary job is taking car of their children, whatever sacrifices have to be made to keep them safe, like boyfriends, must be made.
  9. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Women dating sex offenders and introducing them to their children. Women can't drive, and they certainly don't know how to date.

    Just kiddin. :poo:
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  11. Targeted

    Targeted New Member

    As I read these responses, it occurred to me that most are simply biased and run-of-the-mill hatred toward something not understood.

    I AM a sex offender.

    I offended against my family over ten years ago and have NEVER offended again, or have the desire to. I assure you that I know pedophiles and would not want them anywhere around my family. However, MOST sex offenders, even those against children are NOT pedophiles or a continues threat against children. Of course, there will be many hate-filled responses, and I am used to it.

    So many people instantly judge on a person's past no matter how long ago the offense happened.

    I have done some pretty bad things in my life and I admit it. I went to prison and served my time.

    Try this on for size. Look up how many sex offenders there are in ANY given area and compare that to how many drug offenses there are in the same specific area.
    I am no longer a threat to society. I chose to change my life. Yes, there are MANY people who are un-charged sex offenders and are still offending and are a threat to society and NEED to be locked up. There are a VAST many more drug offenders who go unchallenged and un-charged.

    I am NOT defending what I did or what anyone else has done or is doing. My point is that there is SO much focus on us "sex offenders" that the real threat to society slips on by unnoticed.

    Research to see how many "sex offenders" re-offend versus how many drug offenders re-offend. Tell me who the threat to society is then... seriously.
  12. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I don't want to betlittle your argument too much, as I agree with you that... well It's a horrible stain to have. People change,grow ect.. It's something people need to understand that just because you've done something, it doesn't mean you are going to do it again. And depending on how it's happened, the definitions society puts on those actions can sometimes spawn mis-understood hatred and views of people. Like having a sex offender tagged to you, it's ... Well. Sorry I wont go much further than that. But it's difficult for society to accept. From some narrow view, I think society thinks, you've done the time, you've been punished. But we still won't trust you or let you get away from the tag we've thrown at you unless you prove we're wrong ect.
    It's a nightmare I think for rehibiliation, and I do ... sigh. It's a difficult area to connect with. All depends tbh. I think people who bridge the gap between sexual assault and pedophiles straight off the bat are idiots. Sorry, but if someone does, that makes them a fool because they can't see the varying degrees at all for sex offences, and they blur a very Dangerous line and throw people into it.

    But to continue my main point.. I know there is an emphasis on sex offenders. But contrasting that to drug offenses is .. well, a blur again. A completely different situation, with different elements that affect people. I can understand where you're coming from. .. it's a nightmare for people insociety who endure their own drug abuses, and the people who endure those who have drug abuses. They are different threats to society, especially as society is growing and defining more and more rapidly, sex and the protection of children is becoming a top priority because of reasons".." that are obvious and personal. The overal decay or "threat" to society isn't in the "criminals" per say. And if it is, that's just a side effect that's gotten out of control, that now is a threat to society.
    Idk.. for all the shit, it's who we are now and what we do with our lives that matters. Society can't define you.. but it does make it a fucker when it tries to.
  13. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I've always sort of wondered why some people are more okay with a 17 year old having sex with a 15 year old than say a 40 year old having sex with a 15 year old… aren't they both breaking the law?

    Anyways, sex offender is a pretty nasty term that actually covers a lot of things including date rape or like rape within marriage, etc… and the stigma is pretty unreasonable as well. The degree of hate that a lot of people have for sex offenders is ugly.

    Louis Theroux made a great documentary about how the US is dealing with sex offenders who have served their time-- they go to this facility where they await relocation-- only nobody wants them in their neighborhoods so they live in the facility, which is basically like a prison. Even if they get chemically castrated people won't let them live anywhere near them.
  14. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    My thoughts on this may be muddled so forgive me if this is all over the place:

    1. "Sex Offender" is too broad a label for a widespread judgement or decision. As with anything, individual cases have to be considered and judged on individual circumstances. As other posters have correctly pointed out, there is a world of difference between the serial rapist and the seventeen year old who has consensual sex with the fifteen year old etc etc. I have a friend who, twelve years ago, drunkenly hired a prostitute on his 18th birthday and was unlucky enough to get arrested. This is a sexual offence. I can assure you he is no more dangerous than anyone else you might date.

    2. There is this assumption that anyone who has committed a sexual offence will reoffend. In some cases (back to the serial rapist) this is probably a valid assumption. In some cases it definitely isn't. I was raped. It took professional help and a lot of years for me to be able to state that calmly and objectively. I was raped. The person who raped me was a friend. He was high on some cocktail of crap that left him literaly unable to control himself. We are no longer friends but I do know that in the aftermath of the "incident" he stopped taking drugs - got help - got clean. He is married now with three children. I sometimes talk to his wife. They are all very happy.

    3. The poster who pointed out that there are far more drug offences than sexual offences and that drug offenders are more likely to re-offend is, in my opinion, correct. Perhaps you could argue that drug offences are less severe and less traumatic than a sexual offence. Perhaps this should be explained to the woman who is beaten to within an inch of her life by her "boyfriend" for her last tenner, or the teenager stabbed for his mobile phone by the addict in need of a fix. Perhaps someone should tell this to the children who don't dare go to school in case their parent is dead from an overdose in the living room when they return. (I taught far too many of the latter and it is soul destroying) Sexual offences are horrifying and destroy lives. There is no question of this, but the idea that there is something more inherently henious in a sexual offence than any other offence is not one that I agree with.

    4. Pedophillia is an understandably touchy subject (and not easy to spell, so sorry about that). I don't know a great deal about it - I won't pretend to. I will say this: pedophiles are attracted to children. This does not mean they will hurt one. Straight men are attracted to women but this does not mean that every straight man is predatory, will sexually assault a woman, will hurt someone. Being sexually attracted to someone does not suddenly negate your ability to control yourself. For some it does - I will not argue otherwise. But for most it doesn't. I hear a lot of "but what if they can't help themselves?" - well okay - yes - that would be awful. Same as if a man "couldn't help themselves" and raped a woman (or a man). Awful, traumatic, devestating, but in no way "the norm". You cannot choose who you are attracted to. You choose what you do about it.

    5. The actual question here was whether or not a woman should be held accountable for neglecting the welfare of her child. If this woman knew that the man was a danger to her child (and the "made sure he was not alone with her" business suggests that she did) then yes, in my opinion she was negligent and should be held accountable. That said, the woman is probably punishing herself more than any penal system could.

    Sorry if none of that made sense.
  15. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    It depends on the reason he's labelled as a sexual offender. I'd err on the side of caution and investigate who someone is before allowing them to be around my children, sexual offender or not.
  16. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    Frankly I agree with this guy - What do you think will happen if you refuse to interact with a sex-offender, refuse to hire them, refuse to rent to them, and make them shame themselves every time they get a new residence? Turns out their life gets crappy fast with no friends, job or sense of control anymore and they're more likely to re-offend then than ever because of it.
  17. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    Yes, women should be held legally as responsible as the perpetrator.
  18. cie

    cie Banned Member

    I'm a few days late to this thread but it kinda brought something to my mind.

    I met one of my sister's friends, a large maori guy, and to be honest at first he freaked me out a bit. But I ran into him a lot and got to know him, ended up living with him for a few months at one point.

    That was until he left to spend time with his family; the last moments he'd have until serving a life sentence for paedophilia.

    It happened one day, he got a letter calling him to court. He had just broke up with his girlfriend and she was pressing charges for him sexually assaulting her daughter. So he went to court... and he plead guilty.

    I asked him why he plead guilty and he said that he loves the woman but couldn't stay with her because she was always angry, and loved her daughter like his own and refused to put her through what her mother was trying to do to him.

    It's probably the stupidest most honourable thing I've ever seen someone do. We talked about it another day and he told me that he actually touched her, I didn't believe him but it confused me a lot. I told my sister what he told me and she laughed and told me the thing I should of realized instantly: He just wants people to stop bothering him about it. In his own words: "When they put me away people can finally just get on with their lives, you guys, <girls name>, and her daughter, and they dont have to put up with me anymore."

    The court have messed some things up, he's still with family at the moment, but when he goes away it is a life sentence. And he will be labelled a sex offender for the rest of his life because he protected a girl. Because he isn't the smartest man around and just happens to have more honor than anyone I've met. Because he doesn't see his own life as being worth much. And for that he gets to rot in a cell, and when he's out, his life will probably be even worse; shunned by society, etc.

    Well that's all I have to say on it. I'm not saying this is ANYONE else's case, I just wanted to share.
  19. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    "Sex offender" is a wide spectrum. There are serial rapists and paedophiles, and then there are people who were at university, got a little too drunk and flashed their dick to a copper and got arrested for it. Or the 18 year old lad who had sex with his almost 16 year old girlfriend. All of these things can have you labelled as a sex offender.

    I don't really see how anyone would date a convicted rapist or convicted paedophile, but yeah, it's not very smart in cases like this.
  20. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't have a pedo or rapist anywhere near my kids. Not a hope. Reformed or not, it is too big a thing to be forgotten. If a victim wants to forgive, thats their own business. It doesn't matter if the perpetrator is sorry, or has changed, if they did something before they couldn't stop themselves from doing, its in them and how can they say they won't do it again? That woman is beyond stupid, and now she will be filled with guilt and regret til her dying day. I hope the little girl gets to come home. Horrible story.
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