Women finding men in poorer countries.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by efgywsdfa, Oct 5, 2012.

  1. efgywsdfa

    efgywsdfa Member

    Princophters belt wrote:
    Regarding your unattractiveness, it could be just your brain playing tricks on you. Since you are on this forum that self image might be a result of a depression. I will not argue with you about this since I have no clue how you look. ^^

    I have no experience of women being desperate, so I don't know if it is true that men don't respect them. Maybe some other here knows more about this.

    I don't think men are any less ridiculed when they find a desperate but beautiful woman. I just think it's more common with men getting desperate and poor women, since the pressure to "go out of their way to find a woman" is on the men in our society. But somewhere the change must start and it might be comfortably to just conform to the gender roles that exists, but if you are brave and a strong person you might challenge those roles. And there are women who travel to poor countries to take advantage of the desperate situation that the men there live under. Maybe it's not a good thing though. But I think you have the same opportunity to get a poor husband if you want and dare.

    I think you are right about men valuing physical attraction higher then women do. Women instead value money and status higher I think.
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I disagree. Women seldom, and ought not, go out of their way to throw themselves at men who 1) aren't even providers and 2) don't even find them attractive. Those who do are popularly disrespected by men who take advantage of them sexually and otherwise while not providing anything, and especially not love. It's impossible to overturn the rules of human attraction and natural selection. Men, like sperm, are seekers; women, like their eggs, are accepters, selective as well but not hunters. And because there are more women than men, males are at an advantage in their selection. Why is this relevant? Because it goes to the very foundation of why it's more acceptable and more frequent to find men in an advantageous position who can have women catered to him in arranged marriage, where he usually marries the more beautiful among them, but it is rarer for suitable men to be available to unattractive women (and why would they when they have the advantage of choice just by sheer availability of more attractive women).

    So also recall my initial post: it's easier for an unattractive man to swipe up attractive women, even when it's arranged, than it is for an unattractive woman to have any options even in the small incidents where they are arranged. Not counting shotgun weddings.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I was not aware of this, I had always assumed the opposite. At least in the most populous countries on Earth, India and China, they have a noticable disparity in the male-female sex ratio and many men will never be able to find a girlfriend or wife. In these cultures, having a boy is looked upon more favorably, especially in regards to avoiding to pay a dowry to marry off a daughter, who is unfortunately, seen more of a burden. However in China, I have read that now the men are paying a dowry to the bride's family for the privilege to marry her, since it is so hard to find a woman there, especially in rural villages in both countries, where the male-female sex ratio is more skewed.

    Even in the West, it always feels to me that a man has a harder time to find a partner than a female, as many times, a woman can just wait for a man to approach her, with doing little to no work herself. This is especially true on dating websites. It seems even "ugly", "fat", etc. women have a higher chance than "ugly", "fat", etc men to find someone. Its all just what I feel and I'll be glad to be proved otherwise.

    I know this thread has was made from mine. Princophters Belt, you feel that you are at a large disadvantage in your own country and amongst your pool of men because you feel that you are very unattractice physically. You may feel jealous of many men who have a choice to marry abroad (arranged, "mail-order", etc) who may be more attractive than the woman in their own country.

    I wanted to let you know that at least for one girl whom my parents like in India and I whom met three years ago, she isn't exactly a looker. I don't even love her, I don't have feelings for her (not yet anyways, its not 100% certain that I ever would). Maybe if I did marry her, they would evolve and come forth in time. I know that she is very sweet and kind and gentle inside, pure. She comes from a poor village and isn't marred by things like materialism that sadly so many girls in the West are. I know there's many good girls in the West too, it just seems they are harder to find. I have met many Western girls on the internet who are beautiful on the outside but far, far, far from it on the inside. Even if those girls wanted to be with me, I would only keep them for a short-term relationship, never long-term. They would make my life a living hell. This village girl only has me as a chance to come abroad. If she has any other suitors, they would all be from India, not overseas Indians like me. Because other overseas Indians are more handsome, more qualified, make more money, etc. than me, so they'll want to pick a more urbanized, cosmopolitian girl. They'd be "too good" for a girl from a small village.

    You may feel desperate as do I, that we are far from prime catches ourselves and that beggers cannot be choosers. While I would honestly prefer an attractive wife, it may not be a deal-breaker for me, or even something to consider anymore at all. Honestly, I don't even prefer Indian women (from India or abroad like myself), hardly being culturally Indian myself. I find the idea of marrying a non-Indian fresh and exciting, a chance to jump into a new culture, way of life, after being stuck in an Indian one my entire life. To marry an Indian seems like the same-old routine, but its not like I hate Indian women. In fact, I remember just a few years ago, I found the idea of Indians interracially marrying very strange. Maybe its just a phase.

    But really the only way I can attract a woman at first is from India and because of my immigration status, and I hate that. Even if we both fall in true love later onwards, I will forever be bothered by the fact that she was first drawn to me for ulterior motives. If I didn't even have that, she would tell me to "get lost" just like any girl in the U.S or elsewhere would. I think I would have to "settle" for anyone who would want to be with me to begin with, her looks, personality, etc. all aside. I don't know if it would be better than being forever alone, a bad marriage would be worse than none at all. Right now, I feel fine because I live with my family. If/When they are gone, then I would probably need someone by my side to keep me alive and going.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2012
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    As you said, the men are the ones giving the dowry and doing the approaching to women, even in countries where men outnumber women. And no I don't feel desperate as you say you do and would appreciate it of we not insert what you think other people feel in a discussion about an issue that has nothing to do with feelings, it's just straight biological instinct and natural selection.

    I simply pointed out that even unattractive men have options and get decent and beautiful mates, while unattractive women most often do not. I don't know what the heck that has to do with poverty or what you're talking about in this topic.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2012
  5. efgywsdfa

    efgywsdfa Member

    I must say that your arguments is very interesting, because it's the same argument that bitter, self proclaimed "nice guys" use. They are bitter over women who only chase after "alpha males" and disregards us beta or omega males . ^^ These "nice guys" ends up even hating women because of the lack of attention and sex they get. Do you have any such feelings towards men? You don't think part of the situation is due to "social constructions" rather than pure biology? The question is somewhat theoretic since a culture probably is very hard to change though.

    But we seems to agree that men are the seekers and women are the passive, this might be a reason that men often becomes more desperate? How does women react to the feelings of being disregarded as potential partners? Apati?

    Yes, I make generalizations here, but it would be impossible to have this discussion else.
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I apologize if I am rambling and making wild assumptions. I don't think I am thinking quite clearly at this point. I am very sorry if I offended you, I think I don't even pay attention to the words coming out of my mouth anymore. Maybe its my further worsening depression and mental state and medication I am taking lately. :(

    I think what I meant to say is that by unattractive men able to get decent and beautiful women, most likely, they have to find one from a poorer country than their own and the woman is drawn to them for a chance of a better life. That's likely the only way I can find a woman, as I am neither attractive, nor wealthy.

    Otherwise, an unattractive man can find an attractive woman in his own country really only if he is very wealthy. But can't the same apply vice-versa, that an unattractive but wealthy woman can attract handsome men in their own country as well?

    I'm just not really believing that unattractive women are at that much of a disadvantage as their male counterparts. Perhaps I am just too optimistic and niave in this regard. I can go abroad and marry a foreign woman, who may only desire me for a green card and once she gets it, she can easily dump me for a better man in my country. The same can apply if the genders were reversed, though I'll think women are more likely to fall victim to this by foreign males. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2012
  7. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I don't think it's bitter to state the truth that men like beauty as part of their nature. Everyone likes what's beautiful and no it's not something I see negatively. The argument isn't hateful towards anyone, it's simply a perspective on the dynamics of human attraction and observations on the role physical attributes play in finding a spouse.
  8. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I have to say I agree with what PB is saying.

    It's actually really naive to think that there's someone out there for everyone-- well, maybe there is, but it doesn't mean that people are always going to find each other attractive. And I think it's also true that some people are probably never going to find someone who thinks they're attractive. Even ugly people tend to want to date people who are at least average-looking… it's one of the nasty truths of pretty much every society.

    Men are pretty superficial, I'm not going to deny that… I don't think that women are so much better, but I do think that they would be willing to overlook it if the guy was loaded (not that that is a huge comfort to 99% of people)… so I guess in some ways that does mean that guys have some sort of advantage. I personally don't have that advantage and to be honest I don't think that a lot of guys have that advantage, but there are a handful who do.

    Still, I don't think it's any kind of comfort to know that this is the case when it doesn't apply to you.

    But still, I think there are also qualities in men and women that can be attractive and that transcend looks-- confidence, sense of humor, playfulness, optimism, etc… if someone is surly and mean or weak and whiny all the time, then that's going to put people off.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2012