Alright, so I've come to the conclusion, every woman out there is a selfish liar. Sorry ladies, if that offends anyone, quite frankly I don't care, and here's why: Throughout this rant I'm going to sound like a chauvanistic asshole, but whatever, I've got reasons. The last 4 relationships I've been in have each made me feel like committing suicide, the first one was a with a chick who made it sound like I was her oxygen, and we were going good, one day we were supposed to go out, I find out she decided to hook up with an ex that night instead, she never spoke to me since then, mind you, she did go into my facebook albums and comment all my male friends on how hot they were, nice eh? The second chick cut off contact with me completely, I tried getting a hold of her, it was a no go, so I ran into her new years eve, she got mad at me for not calling her or anything, then she told me how much she liked me, and minutes later she left with some guy, her arms were tied around him like a fucking shoelace. I thought about running down and kicking the guys ass, but then I realized she was probably going to screw him over too, besides, it wasn't his fault she's and a heartless unfaithful bitch. The third chick never spoke to me after we hooked up, and when she did she accused me of being weird for acting differently the second time we met (I was loaded drunk the first time we met while she was sober, and the second time I was comepletely sober, so naturally I'm not going to be quite the same) Anyways, things went OK with her up until a month and a half ago, when she sartedacting really weird, one day he tell me she likes me and wants me and all this, the next day she won't talk to me, gives me dirty looks, the whole bit. She also apparently has a thing for her ex, so I said fuck it, I wasn't going to wait around while she tried to make up her min as to which of 4 guys she wanted to go with. (yes, there were 3 other ex's.) The next chick was the cherry on the sundae, I've had at least a dozen relationships in my 20 years on this planet, all of them went down hill for me. But I kept saying "I'm just going with the wrong girls, I'll find the right chick eventually". So I meet this girl, I thought she was really different, I had thought I had a good catch. Well we went out a couple weeks ag, and she would not stop hitting on my friend, which was annoying the shit out of me, but anyways, tonight she planned n me going with her, and I said alright, she planned it out, there was supposed to be a party going on so she wanted me to come with her as her date. Well she decided to stand me up. My guess is she decided to fuck some other guy instead. I tried calling a few times, she wouldn't answer her cell, so I said fuck it. I got so pissed off about it, tonight I've come to the conclusion every girl out there is a selfish, unfaithful, lying, lusting bitch. Since I've been old enough to have relationships with girls this shit has been happening. I always tried turning the other cheek and saying I just go with the wrong girls, but I've been with every different social group of girls out there, I've dated cheerleaders, emos, nerds, party girls... I've been around the block a couple times, every girl I met along the way has been nothing but a heartache. Every girl I get involved with throws me away like a piece of trash, and everytme I just end up feeling depressed and angry. Well I'm sick of being depressed and angry all the time, I'm NEVER happy, I'm only content when I'm drunk, in fact the only reason I don't just kill myself is because I don't want my parents to feel depressed and angry, I have the decency of not wanting to put someone through that. To be honest though, I've got no reason to live, my friends may like me, but they could get along just fine in life without me, my family doesn't like me one bit, they love me, but they don't like me.... I've got shit all. And to top things off, the only reason I think I'm sane is the fact that I think I'm going insane, if that makes any sense. Tonight I got so pissed off I started punching myself in the face, with hopes that maybe I'll run into one of the girls who has fucked me over, and they might feel an ounce of sorrow for my pathetic ass, and if I can make them feel bad, I might just feel good. The other day I sniffed butaine, took a hunting knife, and carved into my thighs... How messed up is that? That is how fucked up I've gotten, I'm at the point where I've got nothing better to do than sniff harmful fluids and cut myself. My life is a goddamn joke, I'm even named after a clown (I'm not posting my name here, but if you heard it you would laugh). I'm so frustrated that I chewed my fingernails to nothing, I've had uclers as a result of being stressed out, my eye has even started twitch uncontrollably. My faith in women has gotten so low that I've actually considered homosexuality as a means of finding someone I can relate to (and at no point in my life have I ever had any sexual attraction whatsoever to a man). There is no drug I won't try just to feel a little tiny bit better, I could care less what the side effects are, if something makes me feel better for a day, but will shorten my life by 10 years pass it over, that's how little I care. A few timesI've even thought to myself it would be nice if my parents died soon so I could kill myself guilt free... So how fucking sick am I? I feel horrible for ever having those thoughts, but I can't help it, my life is seriously fucked up beyond reapair. I'll be honest, I'm not posting here for advice or anything like that, if you have any, I wouldn't mind hearing it, maybe someone out there has been in my spot, I kinda doubt it, but who knows, to be honest, I'm just posting this because I wanted to get it off my chest, I play it cool like I don't care all the time, my friends think I'm as cool as a popsickle when it comes to dealing with relationship issues, and life in general, the truth is I'm a weak piece of shit who's good at acting, everyone thinks I'm some macho asshole, maybe I'm an asshole, but on the inside I'm weaker than the fucking 1lb man.