Wondering where I go when I die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Freepublican, May 3, 2011.

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  1. Freepublican

    Freepublican New Member

    First of all, hello to everybody, this is my first post and I'm not sure what I'm doing.. I guess I'm looking for some help or opinions about this question nobody knows the answer to (futile).
    There is a bit of history in my family of mental illness, my mother uncles commit suicide when she was young, her mother has been manic depressive all her life, and my uncle recently commit suicide, a few years ago, which really struck me, slowly.
    I have been depressed, or depressive on and off since I was about 14, im 22 now. When my mom told me about my uncle, I remember not feeling anything at all (we were close), I didn't feel sad or frustrated, I didn't wonder why he'd done it, as everybody else seemed to wonder. It took me the better part of six months to figure out why.. I just felt understanding, and a little envious.. that he could find the courage to take that step while I could only continue to suffer day on day.
    There probably isn't time or space or patience on anybody's part to hear my whole life story, how I feel or think and why so I have only this question that has been bugging me.

    My uncle was 45, left behind a wife, two children, and mother, father, sisters and everybody else.. if it is predetermined somehow that I end my own life, at some point, is it not better to do it now, while I'm young and don't have anybody relying on me? This would give my family time to heal, the sooner it happens the sooner they can move on? If we go somewhere or are something when we die, does it matter how we die? If it does, would the soul of a person who stood 45 years be better off than the soul of a person who could only take 22 years?
  2. thatguy2

    thatguy2 New Member

    i know exactly how u feel,i am 19 and just want to end all this disappointment
    in my life.the amount of times i am just driving down the road and want to just crash the car straight into a wall! 2 of my friends committed suicide only a few months ago and i fell envious of them the same as u did, i dont know wat happens wen u die,its the 1 thing that i would love to know, is it just nothing but darkness forever or is it the beginning of new life somewhere better.
  3. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    the pain you leave behind will be the same whether you are 22 or 92 although in fact now i think, it will be worse the younger you are as your parents for example will not only mourn their loss but all the significant things in your life they expect to see you go through, marriage children career, and just having you for just a short time will make them wonder if they missed something, and will take on blame. there is never a right or wrong answer but if you want to spare people pain...stay alive and make them happy for as long as you can, but dont be under the illusion that by leaving now it will be easier, it wont, they just suffer longer.

    i wish i could follow my own advice...dont you just love detachment!

    where do you go? only you can answer that depending on your beliefs.

    stay calm and stay here :hug:
  4. R Wolf

    R Wolf Member

    We are so much alike, my family have history of mental illness to, but we are psychotic manic-depressive, and bipolar. Well sometimes when I’m depressed, that kind of happens very often, I wonder about the same that you are wondering. But well, maybe you are not destined to suicide yourself; maybe something in the future could change that fact.

    Think about it, many times in your life you think that your future is gone to be one way, but it turns to be completely different. To think about a far future is something that would never be accurate. So don’t think about it, the fact that your family is that way doesn’t necessarily says that you are going to be that way. I think that you can change your life the way you want.

    Aallegedly I have to take ant depressives, but I never have taken any, and the two psychiatrists that I have seen in my life are impressed how I can handle without them. Some friends that are studying psychology are so impressed about my “condition” that they want to make their thesis about me. So don’t worry, nothing is written in stone, you can change your “fate”, even if you are “destined” to other way.
  5. Freepublican

    Freepublican New Member

    Today I feel OK, but I know everyday can't be a good day.. I am afraid I somehow missed the period in my life where you are supposed to learn how to live.. how to interact how to think etc. I have always spent alot of my time wondering, since I was a little kid.. always been an outsider, never part of a group or a clique. I wonder if my soul was not meant to find this body but rather be a tree or a shrub maybe, I think I would do much better with that.
    I have few friends, am never successful with the ladies, fail most attempts at anything to do with real life.. at arbitrary unimportant speculative imaginary things I excel, I have no spritual belief system to fall back on, my spiritual beliefs stem entirely from personal experience.. but this does not answer questions.
    I feel I will never have a nice normal life.. if I have kids I'll likely pass this, whatever it is, onto them.. is it possible some people are just not meant to be here? If you fix a mistake, is it a bad thing?
  6. Crimson Rose

    Crimson Rose New Member

    First timer here so bear with me...
    3 years ago I lost my hand in an accident but the hospital was able to re-attach it. While in recovery I flatlined for 3 minutes. Leading up to the flatline was extremely painful but it was like the passing of something...all was black I could hear everything going on around me I could feel them pounding on my chest but there was no pain and I was powerless to do anything. I woke from a coma into a world of pain and recovery. I hope this helps in your query
  7. Push

    Push Well-Known Member

    I don't think there is a better time to end your life. I have felt the same way as you for as long I can remember. I am now 32 with a husband and 3 kids. Everyday I know that I have to go on for them, scratch that most days I know that. When I attempted suicide last time I thought I was doing them a favor, I was wrong. No matter when you do it, you will hurt someone and you will hurt them forever. And you may even help them along in their committing suicide.

    So for me everyday I do my best to stay alive. And I have had some pretty wonderful experiences because I am alive. And I wouldn't have wanted to miss them because even though the pain is there always the joy is sometimes greater.
  8. Freepublican

    Freepublican New Member

    Powerless is often how I feel even as a living person.. I have no idea how it would compare in a near death, or death experience though.. I wish somebody could say for certain what happens afer death, if there is nothing the choice at this point would be so easy. I may be a selfish person for this but I am less concerned with the people I'd leave behind than I am about the state of my own soul (or whatever) after the deed.. my family is very close and everything but, why should I suffer day in and day out so that they can have peace of mind knowing I'm alive? Can you live your life for someone else's happiness? Isn't this slavery?
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I don't think that it's 'predetermined' that you or anyone else is supposed to die by suicide. Death is a natural process of life and it is meant to occur naturally. You're here to live your life to the fullest. Make the most of the time that you still have. Don't give up man. :hug:
  10. Freepublican

    Freepublican New Member

    I'm starting to really think I should just give up. Now my girlfriend of 4 years is telling me she doesnt want to be with me, we can be friends. I have noone else in my life, other than family, without her I have nothing left. I have tried dating other people or meeting new people online but it just never goes anywhere, or even begins.. I am incompatible with the human race. I don't know why I am the way I am but I don't want to do this anymore, there is just too much disappointment.
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