First of all, hello to everybody, this is my first post and I'm not sure what I'm doing.. I guess I'm looking for some help or opinions about this question nobody knows the answer to (futile).
There is a bit of history in my family of mental illness, my mother uncles commit suicide when she was young, her mother has been manic depressive all her life, and my uncle recently commit suicide, a few years ago, which really struck me, slowly.
I have been depressed, or depressive on and off since I was about 14, im 22 now. When my mom told me about my uncle, I remember not feeling anything at all (we were close), I didn't feel sad or frustrated, I didn't wonder why he'd done it, as everybody else seemed to wonder. It took me the better part of six months to figure out why.. I just felt understanding, and a little envious.. that he could find the courage to take that step while I could only continue to suffer day on day.
There probably isn't time or space or patience on anybody's part to hear my whole life story, how I feel or think and why so I have only this question that has been bugging me.
My uncle was 45, left behind a wife, two children, and mother, father, sisters and everybody else.. if it is predetermined somehow that I end my own life, at some point, is it not better to do it now, while I'm young and don't have anybody relying on me? This would give my family time to heal, the sooner it happens the sooner they can move on? If we go somewhere or are something when we die, does it matter how we die? If it does, would the soul of a person who stood 45 years be better off than the soul of a person who could only take 22 years?
There is a bit of history in my family of mental illness, my mother uncles commit suicide when she was young, her mother has been manic depressive all her life, and my uncle recently commit suicide, a few years ago, which really struck me, slowly.
I have been depressed, or depressive on and off since I was about 14, im 22 now. When my mom told me about my uncle, I remember not feeling anything at all (we were close), I didn't feel sad or frustrated, I didn't wonder why he'd done it, as everybody else seemed to wonder. It took me the better part of six months to figure out why.. I just felt understanding, and a little envious.. that he could find the courage to take that step while I could only continue to suffer day on day.
There probably isn't time or space or patience on anybody's part to hear my whole life story, how I feel or think and why so I have only this question that has been bugging me.
My uncle was 45, left behind a wife, two children, and mother, father, sisters and everybody else.. if it is predetermined somehow that I end my own life, at some point, is it not better to do it now, while I'm young and don't have anybody relying on me? This would give my family time to heal, the sooner it happens the sooner they can move on? If we go somewhere or are something when we die, does it matter how we die? If it does, would the soul of a person who stood 45 years be better off than the soul of a person who could only take 22 years?