Hello. My name is Mike. I'm a little nervous about posting on this site, even given the layers of anonymity it offers. But I'm scared to talk about how I feel with friends or family, and I sort of feel at the end of my rope. I am a 27 year old recovering alcoholic -- I lost my job in January as a consequence of my drinking. I was a lawyer, and I was fired for drinking on the job. My firm mercifully didn't report me to the Bar and allowed me to collect unemployment. Since then I have been sober, and a member of AA, but I worry that that's just made me more conscious of a bad situation. My family has a history of mental illness, particularly bipolar disorder and major depression. I've never been tested for or diagnosed with any such thing, but I'm starting to wonder. I've always felt like kind of a square peg: social anxiety, prone to fits of melancholy, periods of self-imposed isolation, and my history of drinking, of course. I can't shake this feeling of being completely alone. I feel as if I destroyed every opportunity I've ever had for living a normal, healthy life, and now I just feel tired, mentally and spiritually. For several weeks now, I've just wanted to curl up in a corner. The worst part is that I feel as if I can't talk about it -- I'm afraid if I do, people will either tell me to suck it up and stop being a baby, or else in taking steps to correct a condition I might not have or to prevent actions I might not take, I'll just destroy opportunities to crawl out of this cellar. In the meantime, though, I just feel sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I don't consciously want to die, but I feel completely indifferent to the idea of dying, and I know that's not healthy. Mostly I guess I just wanted to read what other people are thinking and feel like part of a community. Glad to be here.