Wondering where I'm at

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Sturgeon42, Apr 19, 2010.

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  1. Sturgeon42

    Sturgeon42 New Member

    Hello. My name is Mike. I'm a little nervous about posting on this site, even given the layers of anonymity it offers. But I'm scared to talk about how I feel with friends or family, and I sort of feel at the end of my rope.

    I am a 27 year old recovering alcoholic -- I lost my job in January as a consequence of my drinking. I was a lawyer, and I was fired for drinking on the job. My firm mercifully didn't report me to the Bar and allowed me to collect unemployment. Since then I have been sober, and a member of AA, but I worry that that's just made me more conscious of a bad situation.

    My family has a history of mental illness, particularly bipolar disorder and major depression. I've never been tested for or diagnosed with any such thing, but I'm starting to wonder. I've always felt like kind of a square peg: social anxiety, prone to fits of melancholy, periods of self-imposed isolation, and my history of drinking, of course.

    I can't shake this feeling of being completely alone. I feel as if I destroyed every opportunity I've ever had for living a normal, healthy life, and now I just feel tired, mentally and spiritually. For several weeks now, I've just wanted to curl up in a corner. The worst part is that I feel as if I can't talk about it -- I'm afraid if I do, people will either tell me to suck it up and stop being a baby, or else in taking steps to correct a condition I might not have or to prevent actions I might not take, I'll just destroy opportunities to crawl out of this cellar. In the meantime, though, I just feel sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I don't consciously want to die, but I feel completely indifferent to the idea of dying, and I know that's not healthy.

    Mostly I guess I just wanted to read what other people are thinking and feel like part of a community. Glad to be here.
  2. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum mike, you will find so many supportive people here! X
  3. 8125

    8125 Well-Known Member

    glad you're here, too! :biggrin:
    seems to me that given your concerns and family history, it might be worth going to your doctor or making an appointment with a councillor. can AA put you in touch with someone? i know it's tough and you might not feel 'worthy' of going to see them (i know i didn't), but if you think they could help you then what's the harm, eh?
    i hope you find support here x
  4. Fading Mentality

    Fading Mentality Active Member

    I find it interesting that when other people are ready to end their life that society puts the blame on that person when what drives people to negative sensations, most of the time, is other people. So instead of treating that person or placing them in a negative state of being in ones head, why does society not realize the problem isn't a singularity its the whole. I hope you find what you are looking for as I too am lost and quite numb of it all.
  5. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the Forum!!!
    My name is Shelbi, I just turned 17 but I'm willing ot help as much as I can :)
    If you need my msn, pm me!
    Hope you find the help you want here on the Forum
  6. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF,im too also in that corner.Made it outside once this morning but soon came back!!I totally understand what its like to want to hideaway,except that once youve been hidden for so long it then gets so so hard to come out again.You are with very caring people here and if you need to chat you can always pm me.(I have my laptop in the corner with me)-----chin up
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it is so difficult when one is in the middle of the fire...you screwed up and are now taking care of things; rather brave and commendable of you... I hope you find someone in RL that you trust and can tell what is going on...secrets just build up anxt...and I hope you find the support you want here...welcome again, and big hugs, J
  8. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Friend and Antiquities Friend Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF!
  9. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF! I'm glad you found us. I've been in a corner most of my life and know how isolating it is. Even now I isolate myself from my family. Sometimes I don't see them for days and they are just down the hall. Talking helps. If you could see a doctor that also can help. But don't give up. There is help and you deserve it. If ever you want to talk I'm only a PM away.
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