Wont be her "Rock" anymore

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lakenb, May 7, 2014.

  1. lakenb

    lakenb Active Member

    I have a "best friend" but all she does is use me, she is my connection to the past but I'm sick of her, I cant deal with her anymore, its an unhealthy relationship and I'm starting to freaking hate her, she is the most self-centered, shallow, low, horny, B**** I have ever met. I really hate her. I'm making excuses to leave her and not talk to her, because every time ive tried to leave before she guilt trips me! shes manipulative. she has started to act gay with me, I think its because she knows I have a bit of interest in females, though not as much as males, and Is trying to make me fall in love with her or something so I wont leave. I used to think that she cared, but now I realize she doesn't care about me, I'm her "Rock" the person she can always fall back on, but she doesn't care that im shattering and breaking, she doesn't want to help me, she only cares if im breaking because then she wont have someone to fall back to and the spot light will be off of her. I don't think anyone gets how much I am starting to hate her, I seriously just want to beat her up, and then leave her in some dark, filthy, grimy, alley. the thing is ive been through so much with her, and she is my last real connection to someone I love that is dead. I want to leave her, but I don't feel like I can, and I hate her for it.
     
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello Lakenb,

    Wow I can feel the pressure you are under. To be considered someone's ROCK is a heavy, and unfair position. You are only a human like herself; with your own life and the trials within it. I can understand why you hate the situation that you are in. You feel trapped. Torn between leaving a person that brings out the ugly in you or staying because you feel obligated.

    I just want to say that you do have choices in this matter.

    You can talk to her and tell her how you feel; leaving on a positive note.
    Or
    You can stay together and seek grief counseling from the loss you both faced.

    Your life is yours. Your body is yours. You do have the power to choose in your own life like anyone else. You decide. I do encourage you to forgive your friend and yourself. Grief is a hard thing to deal with. You do not have to deal with it alone. Some people find help in spiritual books, self-help books, or council services set up for these very reasons. Just like all situations grief needs to be dealt with and people need closure in order to be able to move on.

    You have my thoughts, and condolences. :hug:
     
  3. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :freehug: Lakenb

    Your situation is a bit similar to mine so I understand your quandry Lakenb

    Claire my gf I rescued from an abusive ex (i have posted on SF re her situation) & she is using that fact to guilt trip me when she plays away as if I did not want her to have freedom then surely I would have left her a prisoner with her ex

    I love Claire intensely & she is well aware of that fact and makes demands on me - sexually when I am more comfortable just being intimate (kissing hugging cuddking) and also financially as she knows I will never refuse her

    I know it is only time before she pushes me over the edge and suicide will be the only solution

    Anyway Lakenb you really need to dump this so called 'friend' of yours just like I should dump Claire but I know you wont as I wont dump Claire

    Stay strong Lakenb

    :freehug:
     
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    It's not the nicest sounding situation.

    But for both lakenb and Twocky61 - do you not feel there is a point where you have to say "enough is enough" - for the sake of your own individual health? Regardless of what may happen to the other person - they do not deserve to be classified as a friend or more if you are personally suffering as a result. No guilt trips needed. It's what I would suggest needs to happen. Put yourself first. You deserve the care and support that you offer others here - try giving it to yourself?
     
  5. lakenb

    lakenb Active Member

    I have talked to her about it, we've had huge fights about it. I've told her how I feel and how I cant continue doing this anymore and how I have needs to. that's when the guilt trip starts, and when I try to get a boyfriend or have other friends she ruins the relationship. the last two guys were a nightmare, she slept with the first guy, and when that didn't work with the second guy she made it hell. But I love her, and in a pathetic way I need her, she is my key to the only part of my past that I care about. I want to leave and I know I should, but its so hard. It's hard to know which part will break me, leaving her, or staying. I've been distancing myself from her, and when she guilt trips me I continue to try to be mature about it, but I'm pretty sure that for this to finally end with her I will have to put every ounce of fight I have, I will have to bring up every reason, every betrayal. And that scares me, because it wont be just me breaking, I'll be breaking her too. I truly believe its for the best, but to hurt her like I will when I leave........
     
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I understand that it will not be easy - but for once - as your health in a nutshell is your top priority, if it means hurting someone else to get them out of your life where they have not exactly been the nicest (I mean, what calibre of best friend would sleep with their best friends bf? - that's enough for me to say "get lost").

    It may initially feel unusual when the change is made - but to carry on as you are - is detrimental to you (quite clearly). You deserve better than being treated like crap from someone who is an apparent "best" friend.
     
  7. lakenb

    lakenb Active Member

    I ended things, it wasn't as clean as I would have liked but its over. Its a relief, a bit of a adrenaline rush, and even though its now even lonelier because she has been removed, I know I will be ok. It'll be hard after so long but thank you guys, and thank you Twocky61 because you understand, and you probably know already that we had to have a break down everything out fight so she wouldn't guilt trip me into coming back. I hope that your situation changes but if it doesn't I believe you can do this too.
     
  8. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Good for you. You don't know how many times I stayed with someone for similar reasons. My happiness always got put on the back burner. Once free though; it was like I could finally breath. Two years seemed to be my limit in those situations. Take care of yourself.

    :hug:





     
  9. lakenb

    lakenb Active Member

    I ended things, it wasn't as clean as I would have liked but its over. Its a relief, a bit of a adrenaline rush, and even though its now even lonelier because she has been removed, I know I will be ok. It'll be hard after so long but thank you guys, and thank you Twocky61 because you understand, and you probably know already that we had to have a break down everything out fight so she wouldn't guilt trip me into coming back. I hope that your situation changes but if it doesn't I believe you can do this too.