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Wont be long...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by John6491, Apr 20, 2007.

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  1. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I have been having a lot more suicidal thoughts lately... i think i might go through with it soon... i just want to die no one will care if i die... dont tell me someone does because its a bunch of crap. i hate my life and i dont want to see anymore of it get fucked up then it all ready is... i should just get the gun and end it all tonight...
  2. Adeline

    Adeline Well-Known Member

    Dear John,

    No you shouldn't end it all tonight. We all have complex and messy lives. Mine feels like it is in tatters right at this moment. We are in the same boat, John.

    I can only offer you words of consolation and support because I don't know what else to say. Please don't commit suicide. Just try and get through tonight. Sit down and write down the reasons why you are sad and angry. It might give you some clarity and perspective. I know that you are probably sick of it all but believe me, tonight of all nights, I know where you're coming from.

    Don't do it though. Please.

    If I could give you a hug, I would. A cyber hug will regretfully have to do.
    :hug: :flowers:

    I hope that you are okay.


  3. Syd

    Syd Guest

    I believe everyone has a purpose, talent, something to bring to this world, and something they can enjoy. Sometimes it's so subtle or elusive, people don't realize it. That's what you should find, something you love, and/ or someone you love - protecting & caring for that person, which is also a worthy goal.

    First though, I'm not saying I have any right to decide what you do. It's your only life, and it's your decision if you want to stay here or leave. You have some things to consider before you reach the point of no return. What has kept you here in the world of the living for 15 years? What are your interests? Also, what challenges are you dealing with right now that lead you to believe death is the best alternative?

    I do believe it is your decision to make, I just want to help you consider your choice to determine if it's the best course of action for you. The reason I care is because I believe all humans deserve enjoyable lives. But, enjoyment must be earned through work, and often pain and sacrifice. When humans have the strength to endure challenge, they'll be greatly rewarded for their struggles, later in life. The reward, like the progress of challenges, comes slowly, but I believe it is there for those who want it badly enough.
  4. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry the suicidal thoughts are taking over John, if there is one thing in your life that you would like to change from a negative to a positive, what would it be?
  5. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Well what is going on right now is my mom has a few weeks left to live and i really dont want to see her like this... all she does is sleep now and i still barely see her...
    What has kept me for 15... i really dont know im guessing im just realizing that my life is seriously fucked up and pointless...
    My interest are music and quotes and thats about it.. everything else i used to like isnt that fun anymore...

    I'd like it so my moms death wasn't a negative but there is no hope on making that a positive...
  6. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Has your mum been suffering a lot John?
  7. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    Well, I would hope that some people would care if you committed suicide, but the point is, if you're feeling so bad, then it's hard to really take this particular point into account.

    You're in a lot of pain. I don't know whether anything can help. YOU are the most important person right now, and you don't deserve to be suffering like this. Just know that people here love and care for you even though you don't know them in real life. If you need me anytime then feel free to PM.

  8. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    well she has had breast cancer for 3 years so, yes she has , and now she is even worse.. the 2 tumors in her head are swelling and making it so she cant do all the stuff she used to be able to do... like driving.... they have her on massive doses of meds which i dont know how she can take...
  9. Syd

    Syd Guest

    You shouldn't give up, a part of your mom is in you, since you're her son. By living on, you're going to be keeping part of her alive. Take what she's given you and taught you, and use your life for something positive. You can't do anything about her sickness, but you can become stronger yourself.

    That's what your mother would want, and it would make her proud. It's going to be a hard time for you. You're doing the right thing by talking about this, many others here have suffered losses and depression but have managed to recover and do well. I think that some others here who are in similar situations could be good friends with you, and help you a lot.
  10. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Its so hard not to give up though... every night i just want to die... and now im cutting every night and most of them are deep but i made sure there not on my wrist so i dont pass out due to blood loss (again)... im really fucked up right now...
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Hey John...I'm sorry you're so low..I know how it is to lose a parent and it's really hard. It's even harder to see the positive right away, but you will find it someday if you can just make yourself hold on. On another note, I also love quotes. What are some of your favorites? :hug:
  12. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Some of my favs are in my signature but here are a few more

    Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.
    Dwight D. Eisenhower

    Don't get yourself arrested and make your day worse! If you need to vent, just smash something that's already broken! You can't get in trouble for wrecking the unsalvageable!
    R. Stevens

    Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go... And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.
    Gloria Naylor
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I really like your first quote...so true!

    Some of my favorites are by Mark Twain...here are a few...

    Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

    Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

    Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

    I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

    Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

    Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.

    Those are just a few of my favorites...he has TONS more :)
  14. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    i just want to give into my thought of suicide right now... its so hard not to... :( i cant take this anymore im going fucking crazy... :sad:
  15. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Suicide would be the wrong thing for you to do right now John...Can you even imagine what it would do your Mom at this time? Be there for her and spend as much time with her as you can so that you have no regrets. Your family would be devastated if you did this, and at an already terrible time for them. Stay alive for yourself and your family. It may be hard right now, but it's the right thing to do. Let yourself feel your grief instead of trying to end it so abruptly and your heart will heal. Take care :hug:
  16. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    if i stay alive now then i will prob just kill myself later it would be better to just get it over with and stop delaying it.
  17. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Your grief will get better John, trust me. Besides, you don't want to do that to your mother on top of all that she is going through right now do you?
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