Won't let anyone notice

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by aaronpark, Jan 29, 2012.

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  1. aaronpark

    aaronpark New Member

    This is my first time on a board like this. I've been feeling depressed for probably about 2 years now and I used to talk to people about how I felt but I felt like I was being a burden to them. (I know this is just me thinking this but it still felt that way). In the mean time, I put on a happy face and pretend like everything is good, give myself an ere of false confidence and go on. But I'm not happy and I don't know how to make myself feel happy again. I think I should go see help but I feel like it's a waste of time. I know that I have friends and family that support me but I just don't want to feel pitied. I'm not really good with words and I'm probably doing this wrong but I needed to get this out.

    If anyone else is feeling terrible but hides it so no one is actually able to help, maybe share your story. Or if you've felt this way before, maybe offer up some encouragement
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't think there is a right or wrong way to talk about your feelings. It's good that you are writing it down and letting it out. I know you said you don't want to be pitied but I don't think you will be. There are people that can help you with your depression and they won't look down on you. :hug:
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Most of us here, I'd hazard to say all of us even, know what it's like to lie to our friends and family in order to hide our problems. It's easier that way in the short term. Depression is bad enough on its own, let alone dealing with the less than helpful reactions and emotions that bringing up the subject can trigger amongst those closest to you. I've lied to my family my whole life about this. It never gets easier.

    About help -I assume you mean of the professional medical variety- being a waste of time: depression doesn't generally go away on its own. Particularly if we're talking MDD that has been with you for years. Meds have helped a lot of people function. As has therapy. One or the other or a combination of the two. If there is any possibility at all that it could potentially pull you out of this and help you start to put your life back together, it is worth it to try. In my case, I went through this stuff for twenty years, rough family situation as a child, depression and anxiety setting in in my teens, constant arguments with myself that my problems weren't legitimate and that I could manage by myself regardless, fear of doctors, fear of medication, fear of talking about the subject with them. So i waited. And waited. It did not get better. It got worse. And worse still. I finally snapped and went in for treatment two months ago, age 28. I don't know that meds have been of any particular help just yet but I must keep trying. I know that things could not have gone on much longer trying to keep going without some form of outside help.

    Welcome to forum, by the way. :)
  4. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    I've spent a lifetime hiding it from almost everyone except doctors. It is hard but people just don't seem to get it. I don't recommend telling people but do recommend seeking medical help for it. It's not a waste of time, especially if you're here. That would make it the exact opposite of a waste of time which is? Oh I don't know, lol, priority number one maybe?
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I gave up trying to hide my depression about two years ago, although I hide my suicidal ideation from everyone except for my two closest friends. But I just got tired of pretending I was happy and ok. As a result, I lost my two best friends, but now am closer than ever to two other people, who I know genuinely care about me.

    However, like you I feel like I'm a burden, and have stopped being honest about how I feel because I'm sick of having the same conversations over and over. They can't help me, so why should they have to listen to me moaning on and on about it? I've had over two years of counselling, but have recently lost my counsellor. Which makes me even more aware of how much I unload onto my best friend.

    I do recommend medical/professional help - what's the worst that can happen?

  6. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    What you posted sounds just like me. I've always hid how I really feel because I was tired of the statements that family and friends gave me. Or the friend that I have that always has to make her seem so much worse (when I come for help I don't wanna try to see who can be more depressed). Those who have never gone through depression, or any other mental problem, just cannot know how it feels.

    And I've learned that just because your family or friends say they are always here for you to talk to, doesn't mean they really are.

    I've learned it's easier to just take a deep breath smile and just go through the motions of life. I'm naturally a quiet person, so that helps me a lot since family and friends know me as the shy, quiet girl.

    I had treatment- therapy and meds- when I was 16 and cried and never slept. My dad noticed and took me to the doctor who got me to a therapist. It really helped me at least stop crying, I still felt sad but I was slowly becoming better. But my dad cut me off, telling me that the therapy was too expensive and continuing to ask me "do you still need it? Are you still in need" until I finally got to the point where I told him no and ended it all.

    I'm having trouble getting the courage to go to my new doctor and ask for help. I wouldn't say it's worthless, because even if it doesn't help you the way you want it to. It does give you a chance. A chance at a life like what we watch out of those who are really happy with life.
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