Words and Feelings

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Zola, Sep 6, 2009.

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  1. Zola

    Zola Antiquities Friend

    There's so much of a difference between words and feelings. How many of you, as I do, feel that the words we use are totally inadequate to communicate what we feel? Or I suppose I should rather say: that words get in the way of telling how we really feel?

    This has been a huge problem for me, both long before posting on this site and now, including this site.

    How can we deal with that problem (if you believe, as I do, it is a problem)? The whole premise of this site is based on an unacknowledged belief that feelings can be accurately translated into words.

    I tried to deal with the problem in several posts on suicide forum and its sub-parts, but probably didn't succeed because I didn't have a clear picture of what I wanted to say. Well, here it is.

    Human agony cannot be translated into words, except by the traditional, simplistic "on a scale of one to ten, where's your pain?."

    Every day I want to do myself away. How can I translate that so the reader, member or not, can understand something about what I'm going through? Do I use as a comparison some experience that the reader may have had? (childbirth, root canal, back surgery, etc.) What words can convey the black or terrifying spaces we inhabit when suicide seems not only an option but the only possible option? Remember that we're dealing with folks who have never encountered these feelings. Take my brother, for example. Having heard a little bit of my story, he looked perturbed and stated baldly that he had never had a suicidal idea in his life. How do I(we) get it across to him?

    I'm afraid the answer is that, with regard to most adults, we simply do not. I haven't thought up any new, miracle cures to fill that communications gap. The only thing that "puts it across" is the act of suicide itself. (Jeez, he really must have been feeling bad) Though it's possible to envision a world where only the sucidal understand each other and the rest are simply ignored. Which means a lot of work for us and for places like SF.

    Your thoughts are invited.

  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi there..
    i dont think we can make anyone understand how we feel..that is anyone that has never felt the feelings of depression..
    everyone on this site has though..u dont have 2 be great at english or great at explaining the depths of your despair 4 ppl 2 understand u here..
    im sorry your brother didnt understand you..none of my family understand me..it can be really fustrating..especially when you would think those are the people that are supposed 2 understand and care no matter what..im sorry if this doesnt help but iv had 2 truly come 2 terms with the fact- the family i have will never truly 'get it'..but there are ppl out there that do 'get it'.. us here for 1..

    take care .. x
  3. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I truly believe that only those who have been there can begin to understand what we are going through, that's why sites such as ours have so much to offer.
    The members here do understand, we can empathize, we do hear what others are saying.
    So say what you can, when you can, in whatever words you can & we will listen and be here for you.


    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    as stated by the others, you cant really understand the impact the ACT of a suicide atempt has on someone suffering.
    many ppl simply dont believe in it. if they are friends or family members, they dont want to hear that comming from a loved one. because no matter how much we tell ourselves that no one cares ... they do.

    ppl everyday make comments about how crazy someone is or acts. the simple fact is, they have no idea what crazy is until they have lived in a physc ward fior a few days. even that is tame compared to a full blown mental institution.

    i believe most ppl in this forum can understand and relate to what is posted by others that are in pain. it is however somewhat difficult understanding what their issues are, since many dont reveal that in their posts. its kinda hard to determine exactly what they are up against.
    the impact of the post usually tells one thing .... someone is suffering .. bottomline.

    theres ppl that are angry when they post and there are ppl on the verge when they post.
    i lost a friend because of my attempt. long story short ... everytime she needed someone to listen to her vent .. she called me. i was there. where was she when i needed a friend ?
    ppl dont understand and dont expect them to.
    what i did learn, is there are those that are truely broken by depression and illness. there are also those that can IF THEY DESIRE work things out. ive seen it done. i decided to get up and ride again.

    not many ppl will understand the mindset we are in when we commit the act. they cant.
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear Zola,I understand exactly where you're coming from when I told my sister "I don't want to go on anymore" she said don't say that thing's can't be that bad that you have to think like that.They don't have the slightest idea especially given they've fortunately never felt those depth's of severe despair.It's also so dissapointing and frustrating when you hear ignorant and to me uneducted imbecile comment's from people saying he or she is fu**ed,screwed up etc it really anger's me.Also when you think some people should know better they make comment's about people,like saying he/she is weird it dissapoint's me because I think the people who should have some understanding or clue don't at all.I know a girl who is 23 she's a bit slow,I'm not judging here I'm no brain myself and I treat her with respect not judge or feel sorry for her.but the amount of comment's from people about her are so upsetting really.

    Clearly they have no idea,these are people who think they understand what it's like because they've had bad or sad little normal mood's.They will say i know what it's like we all have it,I say there's a difference between being sad or in a bad mood compared to actually being depressed.But how do you explain to these people?I think you can't at all,they think they're so strong but really they aren't I wonder how they would cope if they were walking in our shoes?.P.S Zola is that your name because of the footballer?
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