Hi, I'm new at this forum. I'm from asia, age 20 and I love to think myself as a normal teenage girl. I'm actually not good at communicating or express myself in front of someone, even my family would sometimes act as if they listen but I can see in their eyes that they don't really care or understand me. I have three brothers and I'm the only girl. So, It's hard to have someone who would listen to my problems or even understand me. I'm leading a normal life right now, having a little money issue in the house but we still able to filled our tummy with warm foods. I'm actually an intern in small accountant firm. This July my intern would end and I will get a scroll on my hand on February next year. My mom died 2 years ago but I still have my two aunts that treat me like a princess everyday and a really soft-hearted father, soft only with me. He's actually strict to my siblings. But, they are kind of like this typical adults. I'm having hard time opening up to them about how I really feel. So, why I would have this 'suicide' thought? Because, I'm tired of wearing mask everyday. I know when people hear my story, They would say I'm a spoiled girl. But imagine to have this life perfectly carved for you and never have to choose. Smile because I don't want them to see that I'm depress, they would be sad and I don't want that. I'm a girl, the only daughter so I have to listen to my father and brothers. I must always be a good girl, watch manner and never disappoint them, everyday I wake up to this morning where I don't even know how many days has past or what date is today. Tired and always sleepy. I never have a chance to talk about something I really wanted to do, or at least try something new. I have a little dream of becoming a writer when I was young, but everyone says that it's a unstable job. And now here I am, writing on suicideforum. I never write something in my life because I was afraid I will have this small hope, and now this will be my first writing. I'm sorry if I'm being an idiot, but I feel really suffocate and maybe by writing I can breath for just a moment.